Tis a Gift to be Simple
by EselinHope
Summary: (CURRENTLY UNDER REVISION) Roy knows there's something wrong with Edward, and he knows he should ask, but every time he tries to get closer, he slips father away. RoyEd Yaoi. Mature for a reason! Warning: Self Harm, BoyxBoy, Alcohol usage. Don't like don't read. xox
1. Chapter 1

Roy stared at the blonde alchemist on the couch. There was something different, he knew it. It didn't take a genius to see the drained look in his eyes, the vibrant gold that usually held so much flame was muted and dull. His gait was pulled in, as if he was too scared to take big steps. But it just sounded wrong. Scared and Fullmetal just didn't go together. He'd look death in the eye and laugh at it. What was eating at him? The Colonel was determined to find out. His attraction to the teen had blossomed only 2 years ago, after seeing him fighting Scar, half dead and bleeding. The firey determination in his eyes was so gorgeous, even if he was shouting obsenities and bleeding, the boy was nothing short of sexy. His attraction turned to obsession when he turned 18, and and flowered into love when the brothers got their bodies back.

It had been 8 months since the Elrics restored thir bodies, and Alphonse had moved to Resembool in company of his girlfriend, Winry. Who else? The younger Elric had been obviously infatuated with the mechanic for a while, it had only been a matter of time. His attention turned from the almost-completed paperwork on his desk to Edward, who was currently slumped onto the black leather couch, his vibrant red coat draped around him. His golden hair was pulled into its customary braid, and he was fully engrossed in a leatherback novel held by his automail hand. He had stumbled in 2 hours earlier, not saying a word. Roy had waited for him to initiate conversation, but he simply started reading so Roy had almost forgotten he was there.

He pulled himself back to the paperwork he had neglected to do. The rest of his crew had left early to celebrate Havoc's 28th birthday, while Roy had to stay back to finish the work. It was nearly 8 o clock at night, and he was just about ready to drop dead. He dropped his pen and sighed after sighing the last stupid document. He swallowed, dreading the argument that was sure to come.

"Fullmetal?" he asked timidly, inwardly kicking himself for breaking his cold shield. His powerful voice had faltered, showing what he was actually feeling. If the teen noticed he didn't say anything, he only looked up slightly and titled his head to the right, as if to say '_Yeah?_' he looked down for a second then spoke again, "You've been sitting here for 2 hours... why?"

He gave a weak scowl and looked back, obviously struggling to glare. His face was flushed... was he sick? "Reading. Gotta problem?" His voice was still strong, but the dark circles under his eyes, suggesting he had lost sleep, and noticable weight loss said otherwise. Roy cringed and tried to keep his demeanor. "Not usually, no. But I'm wrapping up and I can't leave you here alone," He gathered his paperwork and stood up, walking to the large wooden door. Fullmetal scurried after, his book in his hand. He kept his view down, but Roy could still distinctly see the red brushing his cheeks and nose. "You should really get some sleep, Fullmetal."

"Okay, sir." the blonde mumbled, walking down the hallway. Roy stopped in his tracks, shocked. '_Sir?! He's never said sir! Something is definatley up. I need know what happened to him!' _Roy thought, panicking. He walked faster, catching up to the boy, who was already halfway down the hallway.

"Edwa- Fullmetal." Roy said in a cautionary tone. He could feel blood rush to his face when Edward turned around and looked up, plastering an obviously fake, but still warm, smile. My breath hitched, and I waited for him to say something.

"Yes, Colonel?" The teen said quietly, the smile dropped and the looked up, waiting paitently for the shocked Colonel to respond. '_This is just too strange. I need to help this kid. Ahh! Say something!_'

"Why did you come to my office today? Did you need something?" Roy inquired, trying to keep his shield up. His hands started shaking, so he shoved them in his pockets.

Ed looked up, contemplating. "I got bored, and went for a walk. I ended up in your office. Sorry..." He looked down again, trudging to the door. He pushed it open, while Roy was still standing there. He was utterly lost in his thoughts, trying to piece this together. First he was in his office for not reason, then he called him _Sir, _then he said Colonel without a snarl or "Bastard". Did something happen? Was he acting like this to everyone? This just wasn't normal!

Ed coughed, then looked at Roy, who was still about 3 feet back fromt he held-open door , looking at the ground. The cough made Mustang snap out of his shock and look at the figure in the doorway. He walked through and mumbled his thanks, then turned around to look at the teen. The blonde let the door close and walked on, he got to the end of the street with Mustang quietly following behind. When he was about to turn the corner and part ways with the teen, he turned around and grabbed Ed's automail wrist.

He saw Ed visibly cringe at the contact, so he pulled away as he saw him turning around. The look in his eyes was something Roy had never seen in him. Despair, hurt, hollow. The child looked like a walking skeleton, and that wasn't even mentioning his weight. Roy felt his heart clench at the fallen angel before him. He wanted to pick him up and carry him home and make sure everything was better. Suddenly he missed being called 'Lazy Ass Bastard Colonel', he missed the weekly dramatic enterance into his office, he missed the 'Who-are-you-calling-so-short' rants... he missed Ed. This wasn't Ed.

All those thoughts flooded to his mind and more as he finally found his voice. "Uh, have you had dinner yet?" He asked meekly, somewhat hoping he would say no so he could take him somewhere.

Ed looked at him, confused, then shook his head lightly. He turned around silently and started to walk on, when Mustang said, "Are you hungry? You could come to my place and I could make soemthing..." he trailed off, hating how desperate he sounded. Ed only shook his head again, mumbling something like, "I'm not hungry, thanks." then turned away.

Roy watched the alchemist until he got all the way down the street, sighed, then trudged home. It was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

**I should probably mention that this is my first published fanfic, ever. Saying that, its also my first lemon, my first yaoi, and my first angst-fic. I really don't want any flames so I'm saying that now.**

**I, personally, hate the introductions at the beginning of fics so I'm going to say this once; **

**I do NOT own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters. Hiromu Arakawa does and I give full credit to her.**

**I might not update all that fast, only on the weekend if I get the chance. Don't count on me to stick that that, though. **

**Please be gentle with reveiws, for this is my first fic. I'm trying to proof read it as much as I can, but mistakes still slip in. Sorry about that. **

**Thank you, again, for reading!**

Edward slipped into his tiny one room apartment, pausing to turn on a small light. The room looked so bleak, so empty. Alphonse had decorated it before he left, and his little touches were the only thing that brightened the room. A picture of them together, a framed piece of cloth; the serpents cross on red fabric, recovered from his final red coat, and a little metal figure on a shelf, very similar to the small ones they made all those years back. Ed smiled as he placed his shoes and coat by the door. Saying he didn't miss him was a lie, but he was happy his youngert brother could finally relax where he belonged. The look on his face when he was with Winry was full of bliss and euphoria. To dare to take that away was nothing short of selfish.

He trudged to his couch/bed, not even bothering to strip into pajamas. He lay staring at the ceiling, thinking about what had happened that day. He had woken up around 2 in the afternoon, nursing the small hangover he had. He took a shower, and set out for a walk. He grabbed a small lunch at a cafe, then walked on. When did he end up in Mustang's office? God, the Colonel probably hates him even more now. Bothering him like that. '_If I could just get over this stupid crush I wouldn't have this problem!_' he flipped over and buried his face in the pillows, thinking about that weird face that the Colonel had when he said he wasn't hungry. It looked like dissapointment. Was the Colonel disappointed in him? Pretty likely. Ed had become nothing more than a lump that takes up space. With few pointless missions and nothing to look forward to, he questioned why he even bothered.

Before realizing it, he ran his hand by the bottom of the couch, looking for the handle. He grabbed the cool hard surface, and brought it to the dwindling light from the window. The sleak blade reflected the moonlight pouring through, and the small designs that were carved in were revealed. He had stolen the knife from Envy years ago, and subconsiously heard his laugh every time he cut skin with it.

He sighed and brought the knife to his flesh wrist, observing the cuts that already lay there. He had picked up the habit a few months ago, and found the sweet searing pain to be invigorating. Crismon welts from only a night before still shown brightly over various scars, healing slowly. Ed knew he shouldn't do this. Al and Winry were only a phone call away. But they had each other now, he didn't need to bother them.

His skin started screaming, crying hot, red tears. He pulled the blade diagonally across the flesh, disrupting the healing wounds. He smiled, pulling it across roughly 3 times, before dropping the knife on the ground next to him, not even bothering to clean the crismon liquid covering the edge. He'd do that later. Now, the time was sleep.

He woke the next morning, slightly awake of the ringing in his head. He glanced at the wrist hanging off the couch. The blood had flowed in rivers down his palm, drying and leaving scarlet trails. He moved his hand, wincing at the sparking pain that shot up his arm. SIghing, he brought himself to his feet. He got to the small bathroom, and looked at himself in the mirror.

"Pitiful." he said to himself, glaring at the reflection in the grimy, cracked mirror. The bags under his eyes had only gotten worse, from constant loss of sleep and overworking. His golden hair was greasy and unkept, spilling out of the braid he forgot to take out. His lips were dry and cracked, giving the apperance he hadn't had water in days. He started the weak shower, pulling a towel out of the closet to his left.

He removed his shirt, then refused to look in the mirror. His eating habits had dwindled, and if he managed to get something down, he would most likely purge it later. He could feel the bones extroding from his shoulders, his ribs well-defined, and his collar bones like shelves. He winced and brought the courage to look at himself. His automail suddenly seemed so big and strong on him, took large for his tiny frame.

"Who would ever want this. Want me?" he thought outloud, still glaring at the skeleton in the mirror. "NOBODY!" he yelled suddenly, surprising himself with the outburst. He sighed and looked down, removing the rest of his clothes, then slipping into the steaming shower.

After wards he walked back to his couch-bed. He could pull out the matress, but just didn't have the strength. He plopped back down, pulling the blanket over his head. It was only Wednesday, he didn't have to turn his report in until Friday. With that, blackness surrounded his vison and he let sleep take him over.

**Inspiration songs- Here's Your Letter- Blink-182**


	3. Chapter 3

Thursday went by painfully slow, and Roy knew Fullmetal would procrastinate until the last second to turn in the report on an investigation done earlier in the week. He silently pleaded that the young alchemist come in soon, just so he could get up the nerve to ask him whats wrong. His stomach fluttered thinking of the blonde, but realized his position. Ed would never trust him, why would he even try? Mentally defeated, the Colonel turned back to his desk and picked up his pen.

The day played by slowly, just as mundane as ever. Everytime someone knocked or the door opened, Mustang's senses jolted, hoping a bundle of red and gold would come stomping through. But it didn't happen, more paperwork, another request, Roy was sick of this. Out of pure impulse he pulled out his directory then dialed Ed's phone number. He placed the reciever by his ear and waited patiently.

_Riiiing, Riiing, Riiin- _

"Edward Elric, how may I help you?" a timid voice answered. The despair that coated his words was still heavy, and he could tell he had woken up only a short while ago.

"Uh, yes. This is Colonel Mustang and I just called to-" what did he call for? To ask him what's wrong? No, he had to do that in person. For the report? Eh, a good enough excuse... "I just wanted to ask for that report, Fullmetal. Could you drop it off at my office, please?" Roy said confidently, hoping Edward would not decline.

"Sure, Colonel. I'll drop it off tomorrow, like I said I would." Ed grumbled, the trace of anger in his voice showing a small sign of hope for Roy.

"Well, uh, I need it by tonight. I'm off tomorrow and I need it as soon as possible." Roy inwardly beamed for making such a good excuse.

There was a long pause, as if Edward was considering bringing in the work. "You're not off tomorrow. You took off last week. What do you want?" the harsh voice seethed. He sounded like his old self, almost. Still too hollow.

Frustrated, Roy sighed. So he caught on. I just need him in here before anxiety chokes me. "Please Edward, just come in to drop it off. If you need to finish it, just finish it here. Please?" he pleaded, trying to get the blondes attention. Although he hadn't intended to show such weakness, the small hitch in the blondes voice proved he was contemplating.

"Whatever Mustang. I'll be over in 20 minutes..." he mumbled, barley audible. The phone line clicked, then the idle humming noise rang.

Relieved, Roy put the phone back on its holder. Ed would be coming, and Roy would finally get to ask the burning question.

20 minutes rolled by, painfully slow, when a soft knock broke through the thick silence. "Come in!" he said, almost giddly with anticipation. The door opened softly and golden hair made an appearance. A small smile was on Roy's face, but it quickly faded when he noticed the blondes stature. It was too slim and angular. The hair just a touch too light, and most of all, they were wearing a navy blue uniform. His eyes trailed up to the figure's face and he sighed. "Yes, Luitennant?"

"Just signing out, sir. It's 8 o clock at night. I suggest you wrap up as well." Hawkeye said with a small smile. Her concern outweighing reason, since he hadn't finished his work.

"Thanks for the concern, but I'm fine. Thanks Luitennant." he said, obviously dismissing her. she gave a curt nod, and walked out. He slammed his head on his desk, not even noticing the pain. Why was this little brat getting him so uptight? He was his subordinate, ten years younger than him, and probably completley straight.

His head was still on his desk when the door creaked again, not even permeating the Colonel's deep thoughts. He jolted up, wide eyed, when he heared the timid squeak.

"You okay, sir?" the small blonde said, still standing in the doorway. His golden hair was pulled into a ponytail, his parted bangs hanging to brush his cheeks. His golden eyes were still hollow, but held Roy's gaze. He had tight leather pants, a black tanktop and jacket, and normal platform boots. He had long dropped the red coat, probably because it brought back memories. The alchemist at the door tilted his head, inquiring why he hadn't gotten a response.

Realizing his mental absense, he shook his head and smiled gently. "I'm just fine, Fullmetal. Here," he gestured to the couch, "have a seat." He hoped for the love of God that Edward wouldn't get scared and run off. Roy just needed to collect himself and say what he needed to say.

The blonde hesitantly made it to the black leather couch, taking short glances at the Colonel along the way. Roy had focused on what was infront of him. He was trying to come up with topics and ideas to cope with the obvious awkward situation. He jotted down random words, like '_Confront, wait, coax' _ Only to cross them out quickly. His head hurt, and looked up to glance at Edward, who was still scribbling at the report. The look of concentration he had, the way his nose was scrunched up and his tounge was slightly sticking out, made the Colonel smile.

Suddenly the boy sat up, a slightly proud look gracing his face. He picked up the stack of papers, and put them into the manilla folder. Roy looked back down, trying to make it look like he hadn't been staring at him for the past 5 minutes. Careful patter came closer to his desk, that limp on the left side still obvious. Roy looked up, doning on the mask he wore, then felt himself falter looking at the unmistakable blush covering his cheeks.

Roy suddenly panicked. 'Had he seen me looking at him? No, he was looking at the paper the whole time... Wait. Does he feel the same way? That blush was so cute on him...' his thoughts trailed off as the report hit his desk. Before he could react, the blonde had already turned on his heel, and was walking-well, limping to the door.

Acting fully on impulse, Roy stood up quickly, and dashed to the boy. There was so much he hadn't said yet. He had to say something. He grabbed the teens wrist tightly, pulling him towards the Colonel.

Edward nearly screamed in pain, jerking his wrist away and turning to the Colonel. His face showed so much hurt, like Roy was looking into the past of the young alchemist. He felt his heart clench and he realized his hand felt wet. He brought it up to look, only regretting it seconds later.

A dark red covered half his palm, a trail running down to his wrist. So many thoughts went through his mind, he kept looking back at his hand, and at the alchemist. God, what had he gotten himself into?


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! First of all, I would really like to thank the people who favorited/followed this story! Like I said, this is my very first fanfic, and I was really intimidated to post it here, since there's so many great artists here... I just don't compare. Dx**

**Since someone asked, I'll post the random sites that I go on.**

**My tumblr- EseslinHope. Tumblr .com**

**My DeviantART- DenjerDanika. deviantart .com**

**I have a wide variety of stuff I post on either, so free to check them out!**

Thoughts reeled through Edwards mind, looking at the shock on Mustang's face. He was found out. Shit. _Shit. __**SHIT. **_What would he do? Fire him then put him the mental hospital? Laugh in his face, then throw him out? Show off the cuts to his friends, find hilarity in the pitiful existence the blonde lives? He shut his eyes and squeezed them shut, trying to block out the dark haired alchemist that still stared at him, with an unreadable expression on his face.

He tried to move, but his feet wouldn't move. He was planted on the ground, unsure of what to do, or say. His eyes were still shut, but they shot open when arms wrapped around him gently, pulling him forward.

He gasped, suddenly breathing in a scent he could only describe as Roy. Deep, earthy scents, mixed with the scent of when you just estinguish a candle. It was beautiful, and he wanted to stay in his hold forever.

He reluctantly jerked away, trying to keep blush from reaching his face. He failed, however, as he felt the red flow up to his cheeks. He looked down, desperatly avoiding Roy's gaze.

"Edward.." a quiet voice squeaked. Who said that? Surely not the over confident, brave Colonel infront him. The voice sounded like a little kid, who just lost a puppy. He brought his gaze up, to look at the man in front of him. His dark hair was shading his eyes slightly, but there was no mistaking the gentle tears that lined his dark gaze.

_Crying? Over me!? Impossible. I'm seeing things... Oh god, does he want me to says something? What do I say? I'm sorry? But I'm not sorry! _He lowered his head, bringing his sight to the floor. How the hell was he supposed to tell the guy what was going on, if he didn't even know himself?

"I need you to talk to me..." Ed's heart fluttered at the words, and jerked his head up to see who said them. "I've known something's been wrong for a while now, but I never expected... "

"Expected what?" Ed spat, trying to regain his demeanor. He didn't want to admit to anyone he was cutting, and definatley not to Mustang. This was not what he wanted.

"Let me see your wrist. Please." Mustang said, his eyes warming, and one tear silently spilling over. Ed held out his left wrist, looking away in shame. The Colonel took it gently, pushing back his sleeve gently, then faintly running his gloved finger over a healing scar. "How long has this been going on?" he said in a grave voice. Something told Ed that he really shouldn't lie.

"A couple months..." Ed mumbled, trying his hardest not to cry himself. There was no way he was going to show so much weakness. Roy had no doubt pulled open the lastest wounds, and he just needed an excuse to get out of there to go clean them up. But the look on Roy's face made it clear that he wasn't leaving anytime soon.

"Please. Just tell me why you did this." He said in a cracking voice. Warm droplets hit the crismon lines, fusing with the thick substance. He looked down at the wrist again, choking a sob. "We've been right here. Al, Winry, Hawkeye...me... Edward we're right here!" his voice grew to a shout at the end, surprising Edward considerably. He recoiled his wrist and pulled the jacket over it.

The blonde couldn't find his voice. He was too shocked at what the Colonel had said. Does he really care this much? There's no way... Colonel Roy Mustang was a self centered, rude, womanizing jerk.

_'One that you're head over heels in love with..'_

_'Shut up!'_

_'Just admit it.'_

_'No!' _

Ed didn't speak for a long time, too busy having an internal argument with himself and denying the Colonel had said anything the first place.

"Edward... Please at least tell me you told Al. You talked to him... please..." Roy spoke again, his voice even more filled with hurt. There was no sly purr in his voice, no smirk covering his flushed face. This gave Ed the confidence that Roy's shield had actually broke, and he meant what he said.

Edward shook his head curtly, looking down. He hadn't talked to Al or Winry for several months, in hope of letting them have their well-deserved peace. They were so incredibly happy, Ed didn't want to ruin that.

"What about.. what about us?" Roy squeaked, clearly mentioning himself and his crew. "Hawkeye, Hughes, Falman... You trust us right?" The last words stabbed Ed in the heart. Trust? I can't trust them... I can't say that, either. He cared about them, yes, but the young alchemsit knew that anybody he trusted got pulled into a pit of nonsense, only resulting in them getting hurt.

Ed could feel the lump in his throat rising, his chest constricting, and emotion and impluse taking over. He pushed it all back, hoping furiously that he would not show any more weakness in front of this man. He was the Fullmetal Alchemist! He didn't cry at such petty things. _But Roy was crying..._

"I need you to rely on his more. This just isn't like you. We care about you. We need you, Edward!" Roy's voice surprised the blonde, and he quickly brought his head up to look at him. His dark eyes were puffy and widened, full of desperation and need. They were rimmed with unshed tears, and his flushed cheeks were streaked.

Ed couldn't believe this. No way in hell they needed him. He was just another person. A worthless being, just taking up space. He had no motive, no reason. The only thing he had to look forward to was kneeling in front of him, crying.

"Why are you doing this? You can't possibly care this much." Ed said slowly, trying to sound menacing, but only being able to force out a raspy whisper. The look in Roy's eyes changed suddenly, from despair, to aphrehension, to anger.

"Can't? You're saying I don't care! I care for you Edward! I trust you and I look out for you and...and... I love you Edward!" His voice was barley audible at the end, ensuring a startled look from the man in front of him. He looked down again, desperately waiting for the blonde to say something.


	5. Chapter 5

**First of all, I can't even elaborate how happy I am to get all these fabulous reveiws. Like, I thought I would get flames for this or something. Omg. Its hard to believe so many people actually read this piece of crap... and **_**liked it. **_

**I'm having a kind of hard time figuring out what to do with this, though, so bear with me and wait. c: I don't want to have Ed go and live with Roy or soemthing... that's overdone. So I'm hitting myself for not doing an outline earlier. Eh.**

**Thank you, so so so much for favoriting, following, and reveiwing my first fanfic. I LOVE YOU GUYS. c:**

**Oh, and since I feel like I need to put a warning again, this DOES have self harm. I know that's a trigger for some people, but my style writing is kinda... eh... dark.**

**Oh and yes, there will be a **_**graphic scene of male on male sexual nature... **_**Just not until I figure out how the hell to write one. XD**

**Enjoy Chapter 5!**

Roy heard the slap before he felt it. His face was whipped to the side, and he raised his hand to caress the red welt on his cheek. He turned back, utterly confused. Sure the Colonel had expected a reaction, but when he looked up, he didn't expect the look of liquid fury in the blonde's eyes. He saw disbelief, rage, and, what hurt the most, pain. _'This is what I get for confessing to him... I knew I shouldn't have. The guy hates me. It was obvious.' _He tried his hardest to understand the glare he was recieving from the young alchemist, when he finally spoke.

"How... how could you." he seethed, the golden in his eyes was molten, and Roy was silently glad they held some emotion, even if was hate directed at him.

He looked back at the blonde, startled. How could he? How could he what? Be in love? Care? This wasn't making any sense, and time seemed to slow down, until it was basically stopped.

"How could you even go there. I thought I could trust you, and you toy with my emotions like that. Is this a game to you?! The tears, the words... everything. I can't believe I even told you." the blonde spat, his eyes never leaving the Colonel. They looked feral, wild... unhuman. The blonde brought himself to his feet, before turning around.

Without even thinking, Roy stood up, and grabbed one of Ed's shoulders. He was so utterly confused at the teen's hurtful words. He thought Roy was faking. He thought that he didn't care. God, he screwed up. He turned the blonde around swiftly, then tried to collect his words.

"You think I was... faking?" he whispered, trying his hardest not to break again. "Edward... Why would yo-" he started, but he was cut off by a frustrated scream.

"Of course you were faking! You don't care about me at all! I'm _not _an idiot, Mustang. You're just so scared I'll die, so you'll have to deal with the paperwork. You'll lose your right to say you have the famous Fullmetal Alchemist on your leash. I don't need your pity. I don't need someone to fake emotion to keep me here. Now let me GO!" he pulled himself from the Colonel's grip and ran to the tall wooden door. He slid out, slamming the door behind him, leaving a completley shocked Colonel to go over the words in his mind.

Suddenly Roy felt light-headed. Not only did the blonde he'd been obessed over for the better part of two years just turn him down completley, but he's depressed and won't listen to anything Roy has to say. He sat down on the couch, and he remembered how many times he watched in fake-disgust as the manic little blonde came dancing through those doors, ranting and calling Roy "Colonel Bastard". He could almost see the excitment in Ed's face when Roy had told him about another lead to the stone. Sure he had kind of resented the brat's childish antics, but he could never say he hated the young alchemist. He endlessly admired the blonde's devotion to his brother, and cause.

Maybe it was the shock that made him see things, but he could almost make out the opaque outline of the excited little blonde, prancing from desk to desk. He leaned over, mouthing words that Roy could not hear to the invisible people at the desks. He looked so happy, so full of life, nothing at all like how Roy had seen him today. Roy shut his eyes, and stood up.

He walked over to his desk, pulling out a drawer and picking up a slender bottle of liquid. Not even bothering with glasses, or flasks, he unscrewed the top, and took a swig. The crystiline amber liquid sloshed in the bottle, burning Roy's throat as it went down. He closed his eyes, and sat back into his chair. His mind reeled, and he threw back the mostly full bottle once more.

He felt pathetic, drinking for some stupid reason. In his office nontheless. His thoughts raced, and could feel himself going over the edge of intoxicated. When the last of the amber liquid was gone, Roy exhaled, regretting even trusting the blonde with his feelings. He stumbled over to the couch again, and curled up. Drunken thoughts passed his mind, but they all faded into black when he finally let sleep overpower him. The last thing he could see before it turned hazy was the look of infuriated disbelief in Edwards eyes.

Getting to work early, like always, Riza Hawkeye pushed open the tall office doors, certain she was the only one there. To her surprise, the lights were still on. 'Stupid Colonel... I knew I should have waited for him to leave. So immature.' she thought, absently tiding the room. She got to the couch, and realized what she hadn't before. Roy was laying down on it, curled up into a miserable little ball. His face looked pained, and by the look of his hair, his bitten fingernails, and the rings under his eyes, something bad had happened earlier that forced him to sleep here.

Careful not to disturb his sleep, Hawkeye brought a thick blanket from a cabinet, and draped it around the resting Colonel. He subconciously cuddled into the warmth, and Riza took everything she had not to go, '_Awwwww!' _from the sheer childishness Roy held in sleep.

She walked over to his desk, collecting the completled paperwork. Her gaze turned to an empty bottle, which, last time she checked, was full. Had Mustang drank all of it last night? What the hell happened? She found the missing lid and replaced it on the bottle. She placed the container in the trash, then walked over to Mustang.

"Colonel. Sir." she gently shook his shoulder, bringing him from his sleep. He opened his eyes slightly, and Riza cringed when she saw the hollow void of color within them. It looked... it looked like Ed's gaze. The emptyness... This had to do with Ed. Oh.

The Colonel mumbled something slightly, shifting in his position. Sighing, the Luitenant shook him again, trying not to get frustrated. Any other time she would have scolded him, but if it had to do with Ed, she couldn't bring herself to. Roy had obviously been in love with the blonde... for years now. Although he would never say that to her, he knew by the way his face lit up when someone mentioned him, the slight change in attitude when he entered the room, she knew by how he had just mumbled his name in his sleep, his expression turning to pain.

She tried again, shaking a little harder, then saying in an overly sweet tone, "Colonel, it's time to get up now. Go home, you need rest." his eyes opened a little more, and he sighed. Riza backed up, while he rolled to his feet. He stumbled, clutching the arm of the couch for support, and Hawkeye gave up. The alcohol hadn't let his system, and he was still, well, drunk. She stepped forward, placing a wary arm on his shoulder. He flinched at the sudden touch, then turned to his luitenant.

"Sir, I'll drive you home. Please come with me." she said, sadness edging her firm tone. No matter how many times the Colonel was difficult, no matter how many times she threatened to shoot him, he was still a brother to her. They had been together through the worst, and it was the least she could do to look out for him.

They walked slowly to the military car outside, and Hawkeye lead Mustang into the passenger seat. While was awake, the childish stature he had didn't change. Maybe because he was upset, or drunk, or just tired, but he seemed so vulnerable.

After a silent trip to Roy's house, she led him inside, using the keys he shakily gave to her. She smiled at him, hoping he caught the warm gaze. Turning back to the car, she set her mind.

Time to go to Ed's.


	6. Chapter 6

**Is anyone else's formatting screwing up? I uploaded chapter 5 then chapter 4 was cut in half... then when i tried to fix it chapter 5 got deleted. Then I finally got them both up, but the spacing is funky. Eh... sorry about that.**

**My really loose outline for this story is being questioned, I don't know where I'm going with this. **

**I know basically everyone is OOC but there's a reason for that omg give me some slack**

**Please, super duper please reveiw! I actually do want to know what you think. c:**

Edward dropped his head against the table for the millionth time. When he stomped home he could only think of how mad he was, but after cutting, drinking, then sleeping, he finally realized the huge mistake he made. "God. I'm such an idiot." he mumbled into the table. He brought his wrist up to the light, admiring the line of fresh cuts. The buzz of alcohol had worn off, and he was nursing a mild hangover. He limped his way back to the couch, cursing his pride. The limp was from his automail being off, though he would never admit that. He had grown, while the metal had not. It was about a half inch off, but Ed knew that bothering Winry and Al was off limits. They were fine, and hell, if he could jump off a 3-story building and be perfectly fine, he could deal with a slight limp.

The second he fell back onto his 'bed' there was a knock at the door. Groaning, he contemplated pretending he wasn't home. The knock came again, only louder. Who would be bothering him? Anyone in the military should be working, and, as much as Ed didn't want to admit, nobody else came to his mind as a friend.

He basically fell off the couch, stumbling to his feet. He got to the door, doning the mask he wore around anyone. It was probably just a salesperson.

When the door swung open, he was surprised. Riza Hawkeye was standing there, military uniform and hair pulled back as usual. Her hands were behind her back and she seemed to be bouncing on the balls of her feet. Ed almost laughed. She looked so distressed in a way he had never seen her. He stood for a couple seconds, then realized what she probably came for.

"I turned in my report to the Colonel last night." he said stiffly, waiting for her to respond. She only screwed up her face slightly, then shook her head, smiling sadly.

"Er, no Edward. I need to talk to you. May I come in?" she asked, her voice gentle and motherly, which concered the young blonde. Silently, he nodded and pulled the door open more, thankful he had stored the knife and cleaned up the mess. His little apartment was clean enough, so Edward didn't worry about her distaste. She stepped in, removing her boots at the mat.

Edward was glad he was wearing a long sleeved shirt, or else the Luitennant would definatley have seen the cuts. Just to be safe, he pulled the sleeves down further, wincing slighly as the material brushed against the cuts.

She eyed the small apartment questionly, then turned to Edward. She opened her mouth to question, but Edward cut her off. "I know its not much, but I live alone, so I don't need much." she nodded, and stepped over to the small table. Edward followed, and he hoped for the love of Ishvalla that she didn't noticed the alcoholic stench.

She sighed, then raised her head to look at the alchemist. "What happened last night, Edward?" she asked, her rust colored eyes tight with concern.

Her question caught the boy off guard, and he snapped his head to look at her. What was she referring to? The smell? Or was it Mustang? Shit shit shit... He looked around quickly, then decided to play innocent. "Eh, what do you mean?" he tried, giving the woman a lopsided smile.

However, Hawkeye saw right through it. "I found the Colonel passed out, drunk, in his office this morning. When I tried to wake him up, he said your name. I've never seen him so depressed. What. Happened." she bit, staring down the young alchemist.

Edward felt that squeezing in his chest again. He shook his head and looked at Riza again. "I really don't know. I went to his office to turn in the report and that's it." He went back to staring at the table, only looking up when he heard Riza laugh coldly.

"Oh, likely story." she said sarcastically, never taking her eyes off the boy. "He drank an entire thing of whiskey, and the look in his eyes was something I haven't seen since Ishval. Roy may be an idiot, but he doesn't do things for no reason. When he said your name, I knew it had to do with you. Please. What happened?"

Edward frowned, trying to decide what to tell the woman. He contemplated for a second, then tried to briefly explain his situation. "I got there, turned in my report, he grabbed me and and started saying nonsense, so I got mad at him. He was probably drunk before I got in there."

Riza did not look convinced. "I was there only a few minutes before you, and he was perfectly fine. What do you mean, nonsense?" She eyed the teen suspiciously. She knew something he didn't.

"Ehh.. First he was saying he was worried about me, then he started... crying..." he paused, as if he couldn't believe what he was saying. "Then, I got mad at him, and he said he...he loved me." Edward heard Riza's breath hitch, but he knew he had to continue. "Then I got really mad, and left. He was trying to play with my emotions, I'm sure of it." he said dismissively, waving off any thought that he meant it.

A loud slap resonated from the tiny apartment, and Edward stared in shock at the fuming Luitennat. His hand on his cheek, he cocked his head to the side, too scared to ask why the hell she did that.

She sighed loudly, then spoke in a rushed, angry tone, "Well no wonder he's upset! Goddamnit Edward! I can't believe you would say something like that! Do you not even _realize _that just maybe he was telling the truth!? Roy has loved you for years! I knew that look, I should have guessed. I can't believe this!" She huffed and stood up, a tight, fake smile on her lips. She bowed, muttered an apology then rushed out the apartment door before Edward could say anything.

'What... the hell... was that!?' Edward thought, thinking over the conversation. Riza had said that the Colonel Bastard... l-loved him? Ed hit his head on the table again, groaning in anguish. There was no way he could ask Mustang about this, obviously since he'd drunk himself stupid because of Edward.

Frustrated, Ed walked over to the couch, flopping on the rough cushions. There was still a blood stain from a time he passed out after cutting, it was usually covered by a blanket of some sort, and he hoped that Riza hadn't noticed it. He sighed, reaching for the blade under the couch. He brought it out to examine it, trailing his fingers against the delicate designs that covered it. At first he thought it was Xingese script, but there were too many whirls and lose lines. One time he wished he could ask the homunculus he stole it from, but quickly laughed at the idea. The pristine knife seemed to never need any sharpening, probably alchemically altered in some way. He closed his eyes and hissed as he pulled his left sleeve down. His arm was littered with scars, old and new, and he wondered when he could finally get the courage to go deep enough.

Trailing the blade across his wrist yet again, the full weight hit him. '_Mustang got drunk and passed out. Because of me. He is upset. Because of me._' Ed let out a frustrated huff of breath, slashing his wrist deeper than he ever had before. He didn't even have to look to know there was blood everywhere, he'd probably cut through a vein, but that didn't stop the reeling thoughts going through his mind. '_I knew I should have killed myself earlier. I was right. Just my existence messes up everything. I mess up everyone's life. I'm a failure, a horrible person._' images fluttered through his mind, first his mother, then the monster they created, then his little brother, still pudgy with youth, then the horrible encasment Edward had put him through. He thought of how many times he'd messed up, how many people he'd hurt. He let tears spill over his closed eyes, cursing his weakness, cursing his life, only wishing it would end. '_So much for being the brave Fullmetal Alchemist...I used to be strong, right? That was when I had a purpose, a reaosn, a goal. Now I have nothing..._' he thought, letting his thoughts go black, his mind closing around him as the blood loss grew to be too much. He only barley heard the knock on the door before the darkness encased him, lulling him to a dreamless sleep.

**Thank you soooooo much for reading this!**

**I KNOOOOW its going really slow and its really depressing, but omg just give it a bit I couldn't live with myself if I let this have a sad ending. **

**Eh since I got a question about this- Ill give yall the hard truth**

**cutting yourself is not the fastest way to death. nope, no sir, slicing your wrists will NOT kill you, especially not quickly. I know its believed, and very common in fan fiction, that if you cut your wrist once, you're a goner. Its a lot harder than that. the worst thing you can do cutting is lose your arm (believe me it happens dont question it) unless you hit an artery, which I sincerly hope doesnt happen to any of you. DONT CUT! I'm only using self harm as a writing device, and i do NOTNOTNOT support it! I'm 410 days clean as of right now, and I wanna say that as a psa. Dont cut! Nope!**

**Please reveiw, lovlies!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello, lieblings! I got really frustrated with this story, so I broke off and wrote an EdxEnvy one shot. Go and read it, if you wanna. (Subtext- Please go read it its my first lemon I need feedback *whines*) **

**I'm liking where its going, but I'm still frustrated. I really do need feedback, please tell me where i should go with this!**

**Eh, warning? More selfharm, blood, language, eh.**

**Thank you! **

A knock on the door came to Roys ears, but he quickly dismissed it. He had only been resting for a good half hour, and his hangover was unbearable. The knock came again, only more urgent.

He rolled off the couch we was using as a temporary bed, as he was too lazy to go upstairs to his actual one, and made his way to the door, fully expecting to see some sort of salesperson. Instead, he pulled open the door to see a slightly agitated Lt. Hawkeye. Her face was flushed and her hands were balled up by her side. She was doing that funny little thing where she bounced on the balls of her feet, Roy knew she only did that when she was really upset.

"What is it, Lt?" Roy asked lazily, the light from outside doing numbers on his headache. He opened the door wider, knowing she wanted to come in. She trotted up the steps, and into his house, before swiftly turning around to face him.

"I talked to Edward." she said bluntly, pausing when Roy gave a suspicous look. "I talked to him. I just need to talk to you about what happend." She sighed, pulling Roy by the cuff of his shirt to the large table. Sitting down, she slouched over. Why was this affecting her so much? "Do you remember what happened last night?" she asked, looking up at the confused Colonel. He nodded shortly, thinking back to the, er, _eventful,_ encounter. She sighed again, then said "Please explain what happened."

Thinking of the best way to describe it, he bit his lip. Thoughts were coming to him, but they were broken. He started, trying to explain everything he could. "I called Fullmetal in for his report. When he turned it in I finally got the courage to ask him why he's been so depressed latley. I pulled his wrist, and there was blood on my hand. I didn't have a clue why, but when I saw the look in his eyes, I knew what was going on. I asked to see his wrist, and as I suspected, he was cutting. I had this feeling, like I needed to protect him. I thought it was platonic, like I wanted to be the father he'd lost, but it was more. I hugged him, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I was so mad at him, but I was so concered and all these emotions were going through my mind. I broke. I started crying, while he just looked at me in dumb-shock. I knew it was ridiculous, but I couldn't help it. I asked him how long he'd been doing it and he said a couple months, which only made me feel worse. When I asked why he refused to tell me, and I just got so mad. He was shoving off everything I was saying, and dismissing me like I wasn't there. I snapped when he told me I didn't care about him, so I just went out and said it. I said I loved him." he gave a dry laugh, pausing to look at Riza's face. She looked like she expected more, so Roy continued. "He pulled back like he just got burned, then started saying all these things... Like how I was just using him, and that I never even cared. He told me I was faking it. Then he just got really mad and left. I drank and passed out. Then you obviously know the rest."

"Damn brat. I knew he was hiding something." Riza mumbled, bringing a hand to her face. "Roy, you said he was cutting? Self harm? He wouldn't resort to that, though... Would he?" her face was aprehensive, and scared.

Roy mumbled something that resembled "I guess so" then put his head on the table. There had to be a way to get Edward out of this. Throwing him in a mental hospital was definatly not the right idea. Even though they were there to help, its no surprise they treat their paitents like prisoners. The prolonged leave from the military would raise questions, and Roy just didn't want to push that on him. Riza's voice rang out, crushing his train of thought.

"Come on, Roy. We're going to talk to him." she smiled, standing up. Roy followed, slightly confused.

"The kid hates me. I doubt he'd want to talk to me at all." he muttered, slipping on shoes and following the overly-cheerful Lt. out the door. The blonde woman turned around, a look of shock on her face.

"Hates you? HATES you?!" she said, disbelieving. She was almost laughing, her dark reddish eyes twinkling in amusment. "I'm sorry Roy, but that kid's head over heels for you. Its almost comical how blind you are." ((A/N: No pun intended!)) She bounced down the steps like a child, making her way to the car. Is she okay? This was not the trigger-happy, uptight woman Roy knew. She was carefree, bubbly, and childish, smiling freely. He didn't smell and alcohol on her breath...

Breaking from being shocked, Roy shook his head and got to the car. He sat in the passenger seat, slightly disturbed by Hawkeye's happy humming. They pulled out and made their way down the street.

"Alright, Riza. Why are you so happy?" Roy demanded, freaked out by the way she was smiling. It wasn't like her at all. She just looked at him, probably obvious to the smirk she wore.

"Ohh, its nothing. Just glad you two will finally get togther." she said, ignoring Roy's disbelieving scoff. "Its about time." It was silent for a few moments, then Riza laughed. It was small, but she did, freaking the hell out of Roy.

"Together? Riza, if you honestly believe-" he started, but Riza cut him off.

"Yes, I do believe. You two have been falling over each other for a while now, and I think its time something's finally done. Its impossible to get anything to happen when you're both so full of pride." she hummed again, nearing Edward's apartment complex.

Roy sent another glare in her direction, but it didn't faze her. "For your information, Edward is definatley straight." he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

She snorted, laughing again. "He's straight as a transmutation circle, if that's what you mean."

Roy wanted to respond, but they had reached the complex. Riza urged him out, and he made his way to the door, knocking lightly. There was no response, so he knocked again.

"Damn that brat..." Roy muttered to himself, knocking on the door loudly, trying for the what seemed like the millionth time. He cursed Riza, who was sitting in the car that was parked on the street, probably wearing that smug little grin she did when she knew something Roy didn't.

Frustrated, he waited another couple minutes. At this point he knew the blonde was ignoring him. He tested the door, finding it unlocked. He pushed it, entering the small, dark apartment. He took in the surroundings, in awe of how... little it was. The only door let to a bathroom, and while Roy knew he was imposing on the blondes life, there was no sign he was here. Why would he leave the door unlocked?

Quietly closing the tiny bathroom door, he turned around. There was a barley-kitchen, only comprised of a pantry, a minifridge, and a counter, littered with bottles. He shook his head, stepping into the tiny living space, his eyes falling to the couch.

His heart dropped.

Laying on the couch was the alchemist of his worries. He was curled on his side, his left wrist slightly extended. How did Roy not notice the stench of blood in the room? His face was pale, and a waterfall of crismon littered his wrist and hand. Panicking, he knelt down, trying for any signs of life. He shook his shoulder violently, getting no reaction. Was he- no.. no... no!

Roy pulled off a glove and put a shaking hand on his neck. His skin was cold and clammy. He felt for a pulse, and almost died when he felt it. It was slow, and weak, but it was there. The blonde was alive. He pulled back, trying to asses the situation. He had cut, yes, but this was deeper than any of the lines on the blondes wrist. It was vertical, instead of diagonal. Rivers of red were trailing down his palm, sitting in puddles at his slightly curled fingers. It was a kind of grotesque beauty that held such power. Shaking tears back, he stumbled back outside, calling for Riza.

"I need you here now! Come over here!" he yelled, knowing he sounded desperate. But he was desperate. The cut was still bleeding, and he would bleed out soon if they didn't get him to a hospital. No, this was way worse than any nightmare. Any reality, even. This was hell. The boy he loved, cared so dearly for... was lying unconcious, not even fighting for his life.

Riza rushed to the front door, following Roy inside. He got back to the blonde, brushing some strands of sweat-soaked hair out of his closed eyes. He looked so peaceful and calm, like he was sleeping. Like he was out of harm. Sighing, he looked at Hawkeye.

Her eyes held shock, and she didn't move. The carefree happiness was gone, and she was shaking. She shook her head, letting a single tear race down her cheek. She stood up straight again, looking down at Roy, who was currently kneeling at the blondes side, his fists in his shirt.

"We need to get him into a hospital..." he said with broken urgency, putting his arms under the blonde to pick him up. He felt lighter than a small child, the only thing holding real weight was his automail. Roy held him to his chest, carrying him bridal style out of the apartment.

Riza reached for the keys on the hook next to the door, and locked it on their way out. Roy sat in the passenger seat, still holding Edward. His body was racking with silent sobs, and he only hoped the boy could hold out until they got to the hospital. His pulse was even slower, and Roy didn't even care that his shirt was being stained with the blood of the alchemist. Riza got in and immediatly took off for the hospital, not even bothering to stop for red lights or stop signs. This was an emergency.

When they got to the front of the ER, Riza stopped and told Roy to bring him in while she parked. He stood up, clutching the alchemist to him in weak hope that they could save him. He ran to the desk, and the secretary looked up. She looked at Roy, the feral look in his eye, then the blonde, who was unconcious and bleeding. Roy noticed her eyes widened, and she nodded and ran to a nurse standing by.

While he knew there were sounds going on around him, his mind blocked them out. All he could hear were his own heartbeats, and an occasional laughter. Ed's laugh. He rarley heard it, and he wasn't sure if he ever would again, but any time he did, he could feel his heart melt. So full of joy and happiness. Only traces of a memory, now, permeating his mind in heart-wrenching hallucinations.

A nurse and a doctor came out to where Roy was standing, still frozed with fear that he'd never see his blonde's eyes open again. The nurse shook his shoulder, and he turned his attention to her. She told him to follow her, pushing through a door and down into a white hallway. Door after door, the white was making Roy nausous. It was so pristine, so untouched. They got to ICU, and their hurried steps stopped. A doctor pulled out a stretched, pulling Edward from Roy's hands gently.

It almost made Roy mad how calm he was. How he just casually checked Ed's pulse, how he only slightly seemed to care when it was obviously dwindling. The doctor turned to Roy, giving him a serious look. "Please wait in the waiting room, sir. We will inform you when you can see him." he said, dismissing the alchemist. He turned around and went through the ICU doors, leaving Roy frozen in place.

Making his way to the waiting room, he let a few silent tears pass his eyes, cursing the childishness of his antics. He sat in a chair next to Riza, who gave him a worried look. She placed a hand on Roy's shoulder, then said in the motherly tone only used for sick people and children, "Get some sleep Roy. You haven't recovered from your hangover. I'll wake you up if there's any news."

He turned to give her a half hearted smile, then curled up in the plush chair, letting visions of his blonde come over his thoughts whiles sleep pulled him over.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello Lieblings!**

**This is a painfully slow and boring chapter that I hated writing, but I knew I needed to include.**

**For those asking for the lemon soon, I promise it within the next 3 chapters. Don't rush them, babies. c:**

**Triggers- Self Harm, Alcohol usage, boyxboy, and language. **

**Please reveiw!**

Blackness whirled around Edward, whispering sweet-nothings, beckoning him back to the darkness. He was only slightly aware of his surroundings, trying to recall any memories before. He saw flashes of images, fluttering through his mind. Roy, upset. Riza, at his door. Pulling the knife too hard. Passing out.

Opening his eyes seemed like climbing a mountain, but he knew he had to when he realized he was conscious. Everything felt so heavy, like he was made of lead. He struggled to move his fingers, and he felt soft sheets. Panicked, his eyes shot open. This wasn't his couch. Looking around quickly, he realized this wasn't his apartment. The bright white lights illuminated the mint green walls. There were pictures on the wall, strictly of landscapes.

He slowly moved his head to the side, trying to raise his left wrist. He was in the hospital, he knew that. An IV ran through the crook of his elbow, and a crystalline, yellow-tinted substance ran through it. He moved his fingers experimentally, making sure he still had control over his body. He could faintly hear beeping beside him, and the soft noises of other doctors, making their way to other paitents.

'_How did I get here?' _he thought lazily, trying not to dwell too much on the events earlier. He moved his head more to the side, looking at the door. There was doctors moving around, carrying clipboards, wearing those damn coats. He heard a muffled gasp, as his sound was still softened, like he had a pillow over his head. Turning to the noise, he saw something he never expected to see in his life.

Roy Mustang was sitting in the chair next to Edwards bed, clutching his automail hand. His eyes were slightly inflamed, and he was looking at the blonde in dumb shock. Had he brought him here? The look in his eyes was overwhelming. They were rimmed with guilt, the barely noticeable dark blue making an appearance.

Edward finally spoke, but it was barley audible. So many questions where in his mind, so many things he wanted to say. So many things he wanted to ask. But he could whisper was, "Why."

Relief flooded Roy's face, thought wasn't sure why. He looked Edward dead in the eye, and began slowly. "Because I care. I saw you in your apartment, and I felt my heart break. I wasn't faking, or lying when I said I love you, Edward. I can't stand the thought of you being gone from my life. I know you don't return the feelings, but please. Please just understand my life would end with yours." the man looked down, as if he were ashamed at what he had said.

Feeling sleep creeping aroung his mind, his vision turning black around the edges, he strained himself, and managed to choke out one last sentence. "Don't be silly, bastard. I love you too..." he trailed off, letting sleep pull him down.

The next two weeks were monotonous. Edward would wake up only for a small meal, to use the restroom, and a check up. Roy knew the rumours were not false when people said Ed hated doctors. He jumped on every chance to be snarky and sarcastic, but they just took it. I guess they were used to it?

The blonde was taking medication that he swore he didn't need. It was anti-depressants, Cylexia, if Roy remembered. The Colonel never left the blondes side, doing all his paperwork on a small desk left the room. Hawkeye would sometimes come in, bringing more paperwork, news of something that happened, or just to simply sit with him. Anything outside these hospital doors didn't matter to Roy, he was still trying to wrap his mind around the last thing the boy said. It had been nearly two weeks since the blonde had spoke directly to Roy, but what was there to say?

The doctor pulled him over, writing on his clipboard and smiling, he started in a happy tone. "We've gone through a lot of tests on Edward, and we've deemed him stable. He had lost a lot of blood, but we got a donors to replace it. His mood might be off, but that's expected. The kids been through a lot. Edward lives alone, correct?" he looked up, waiting for Roy's response. Roy simply hummed and nodded, waiting for the doctor to go on. "He might be phyically stable, but his mind is still fragile. He needs to stay with someone until he is deemed safe to be trusted alone. I'll let you decide with him who that will be." he bowed slightly, then turned around to walk away, his lab coat swaying behind him.

Peering into the room, the blonde was just as he was two week ago. His soft face finally held some color, though it was still hollow. Edward denied food as much as he could, and it was really taking a toll on him. His blonde hair was spread out, like a sheet of gold. His soft lips were slightly parted, and his chest was rising and falling slowly, going through the rhthym of sleep.

Walking over slowly, Roy touched the young alchemist's shoulder, shaking him as lightly as he could manage. "Edward. Hey, come on. We have to talk for a second..." he said in the kindest voice he could manage, scaring even himself at how dainty it sounded.

The blonde finally hit conciousness with a low groan, opening his eyes slightly. The IV tube still ran through his weak, flesh arm, that was now heavily bandaged, along with the blondes finger tips, because he started scratching in his sleep. His eyes held a low, gold hue. Still muted, but let miserable.

"What is it, Bastard?" he mumbled, shifting on the white bed. 'Bastard' had become less of an insult, and more of a term of endearment, a pet name. Edward glared at Roy for waking him up, waiting impatiently for him start talking.

"Eh, you're physical condition has improved enough that we can release you from here," Roy paused, ignoring Edward's grumble of, 'Finally..' he looked back at the blonde, who had pushed himself up into a sitting position against the hospital pillows. "But your.. mental stability... is still questioning... so the doctors need you to stay with someone until we've got clearance that you can be alone. Do you understand?"

Looking at Edward, Roy understood his annoyance. He had been uprooted from his normal routine, put in a hospital without his consent, and forced to stay still for 3 weeks. The first week might not have been so hard, since he was in an anemic coma, but it was hard for Roy. Every day he lost hope that he would see the blonde's smile again. The hope was still dwindling, but it had recovered some.

"Who am I staying with." Edward muttered, looking at the bandages covering his arms. He rotated his wrists, examining them like it was the first time he'd ever seen them.

"Well," Roy started, trying to keep his voice level, "It has to be in Central, so you can come back to see doctors. There can't be any small children around, and the doctors are hoping for a low-stress enviorment while you recover. This isn't going to be an overnight thing, Edward."

Edward grumbled, turning away from the Colonel. "Who do you suggest?" his voice was low, and dangerous, as expected. Roy wasn't surprised that Edward was opposed to the idea, he was actually slightly surprised that he hadn't been hit over the head yet. He was sure he would be very soon.

"Well, there's a few possibilities, but, eh, there's only one plausible choice..." he trailed off, bracing himself.

"Who is it?" Edward seethed, hating his vagueness.

"Me." Roy said, giving a half-smile. He knew there was a flush on his cheeks, and he was not looking forward to Edwards reaction, probably screaming or trying to run off, but the blonde just sat there, eyes slightly widened.

"Okay." he shrugged, curling back into the bed and falling to rest again, leaving an open-mouthed Colonel. Sighing, he turned around to inform the doctor of their decision.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello! I've been writing more because I can't sleep, eh. I've got a lot of problems hitting me in the face, so writing at 3 in the morning is a way of venting, I guess?**

**As much as I really didn't want this fic to be a overdone, Roy takes Ed home, kind of thing, I'm sorry, Edward, pack your bags, you're taking a trip down the road of no imagination. **

**This is a really short chapter, kind of starting into the ever-promised romance in the fic. Please review. I need someone to tell me what I need to do to make this readable.**

**I finally wrote the outline, and I'm hoping to shove a well-deserved scene in around chapter 12, but I want to reinterate that this story isn't really a lovey dovey thing... Its about recovery more than trying to get in someone's pants. Thanks, lieblings! 33**

'Maybe staying at the Bastard's won't be so bad,' Edward thought, shoving clothes into a suitcase. After about a million questions, tests, and interveiws, Edward was finally allowed to leave the confines of the hospital. Walking was hard at first, for he hadn't realy done it on his own for 3 weeks. He was finally allowed to removed the bandages covering his fingernails, but not his wrist. That still had to be changed on a daily basis, covered with antibiotic, then wrapped tightly. Tedious, but apperantly necessary.

Roy had been next to him almost the entire time Ed was in the hospital. There was only a few times that the blonde woke up, and the Colonel wasn't burying himself with paperwork, or dozing off next to the bed. Even in the middle of the night, when visiting hours were far over, Roy was holding Ed's automail hand, slumped over slightly. He looked so peaceful. Sometimes, Ed just watched him.

"Okay, I'm ready." Edward said, turning around to face the older alchemist. He had already collected toiletries, clothes, and a few of his belongings. He made his way to the door, remembering something.

He turned around and reached under the couch, pulling out the knife. Roy gave a confused look, while Ed pulled open a drawer, containing only a yellowed note, and reached for the keys to lock it.

He wandered over to Roy, still holding the gleaming blade. "I assume you know what this is?" he said, trying to keep his calm. He hadn't cut in 3 weeks, and his hands were twitching to pull the knife across skin. But he knew doing that would only get him back in the hospital, and he hated seeing the look on Roy's face when he was disappointed. Roy took the knife from Edward, nodding, and examining it. He trailed his finger on the writing, gasping suddenly.

"This... this script. Its ancient. Abandoned. It hasn't been used at all in 400 years. Where did you get this?" he asked, concern creeping into his voice.

Laughing dryly, Edward scratched the back of this head, trying to explain in as few words as possible. "You know that homunculous Envy?" Roy nodded, and Ed continued. "Yeah. Got it from him. Long story. Don't want to talk about it. I'm just showing you because I'm putting it in that drawer, locking it, and giving you the only key. Can I trust you with that? Oh, and the drawer is alchemically altered, so I won't be able to open it." he looked up, gave a half smile, then placed the knife in the drawer. Shutting it, and locking it, a small light appeared from the lock, then faded.

Ed made his way to the door, tossing Roy the small key and chain. It was well-past sunset, probably around 10:30 at night. They made their way out, tossing Edward's small suitcase in the back of the Colonel's car, then silently waving the apartment complex goodbye as they pulled out of the parking lot and made it down the street.

No conversation was made on the way to Roy's house. The car ride was tense, and awkward, and Ed was hoping that Roy wasn't going to make his entire stay this way.

The silence was broken when they pulled into the drivway. Ed gasped in shock, gaping at the house. It was a two story, red brick with elegant trims. It looked much, MUCH too big for one person. How could he afford this? Suddenly, he had so many questions.

He turned to Roy, who was staring at him with a mildly confused face. "This is your HOUSE?" he said, still amazed.

Roy chuckled, nodding. "Yes, Edward. This is my house." He opened the car door, and Ed did the same. Grabbing the suitcase, they made their way to the door, Ed still gaping at the design.

Roy opened the door, turning on a light. 'This place is even prettier on the inside...' Edward thought, admiring the clean paint and decorative chandalier. Pictures were hung throughout the main room, and after taking off his shoes and putting down his suitcase, Edward trotted over to examine them.

Some were pictures of his crew, some of friends, some framed paintings, but the one that caught Edwards eye the most was the smallest one, a picture of Mustang's entire crew, including him.

Nobody seemed to know the picture was being taken, so they were all casually sitting in the office. Havoc was sleeping at his desk, Fuery was talking with Falman, Breda was working (for once), Hawkeye was standing behind Mustang, who had a very annoyed look on his face, glaring at the paperwork. Ed smiled, admiring how normal everything was. Then he saw a figure on the couch, one with light hair, and tired eyes, and refused to believe it was him. This picture was recent. Did he really look like this?

Roy came from another room, silently making his way over to Ed. The blonde caught the moving figure from the corner of his eye, and looked up, still holding the picture.

Roy smiled, looking at the picture. "Hughes took that, when nobody was looking. I don't know why, but I really like it." he said calmly, giving Edward a warm smile.

"Have I always looked like that?" Ed tried meekly, pointing to the defeating looking person on the couch. Roy tilted his head to the side, giving a look that said "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I look so... dead. Did I always look like that?" Ed said again, looking Roy in the eye hesitantly.

Roy sighed, running hand through his silky black hair. "Not always... Not until recently. I could see you mentally slipping, but I didn't know how to ask you about it. Would you be willing to tell me?"

Ed nodded slightly, putting the picture down. Roy sat on the couch, and he followed. It was big and plush, so the blonde felt tired instantly.

Starting softly, picking out words carefully, Edward started to speak. "After they left, Winry and Al I mean, I thought I could handle it all. I'm 21 years old, right? Every day was boring and monotonous, but I got through it, I guess. One day I accidentally cut myself, the knife slipped while making food, and I dunno, I guess I just got addicted to the feeling." his voice got softer and softer, as he was slipping into sleep. "After that was an every night thing, I threw alcohol into the mix. No one cared about it, though. I'm sure. Nobody paid any attention to me anymore. But that's...okay... it was only...a matter...of...time..." he drifted off, letting sleep over power him.

Edward's eyes shut closed, and he fell over. Roy knew he was exhausted, but he dozed off in the middle of talking. "Only a matter of time? What did that even mean?"

Roy gave a surprised noise when the blonde practically fell into his lap. He curled up, seeking Mustang's warmth, and remained asleep. His breathing was deep and even, and a pleasant look covered his face. His golden hair had fallen out of its braid a while ago, and the boy hadn't bothered to put it back up, so it splayed out over Roy's navy pants, trailing off in shining rivers.

Recovering from the shock, Roy gently brought a hand to the blondes sleeping face. He traced his jawline, his brow bone, his nose, relishing in his beauty. He brushed a chunk of that beautiful hair out of the boy's eye, curling his finger in the lock. It was so soft.

Roy felt his consiousness slipping as well, and he leaned back onto the couch, the peaceful pressure of his fallen angel sleeping on his lap guiding him into, for once, pleasant dreams.

**Alright, so that's the chapter. It gets better from here, I hope. **

**Thank you SO much for following, reveiwing, and favoriting, it means a lot! 333**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you sososo much for the reviews! Y'all don't even know how much I blush and laugh when I get one.. its almost scary XD**

**This chapters pretty long… the next one will be better. I PROMISE! **

**Bye lieblings3 **

Daybreak came, and the two alchemists had not left the couch. Ed had migrated to Roy's lap, curled up, leaned against his chest, with his hands resting on the older man's shoulders in loose fists. His hair was mostly covering his face, swaying with the breaths from his slightly parted lips. Roy's head was resting on the alchemist's shoulder, his expression serine. He was still in his now-wrinkled military uniform, and his arms were loosely placed around Edward's hips. Light shown through the windows, catching Roy's eye.

Roy awoke with a groan, quickly realizing he was not in his bed. He felt a pressure on his lap, and realized where his arms were. Panicking, the Colonel shifted, waking Edward.

The blonde looked up groggily, sleep still dormant in his half-lidded eyes. "What is it Colonel Bastard?" he grumbled, snuggling up into the man more.

Shock filled Roy's expression, and he could not comprehend what he had just heard. "What did you call me?" he asked, disbelieving he heard right.

Ed looked up, slightly confused, and muttered, "Colonel Bastard. What do I always call you?" He stuffed his face back into Roy's military jacket, mumbling something intelligible.

Before Roy could point out that Ed hadn't called him that in months, a shrill noise cut through the air. "_Riiing! Riiing!_" Roy groaned slightly, then reached for the phone that was just next to him on a coffee table.

Tiredly, pressed the phone to his ear and answered. "Mustang residence, how may I be of service?" Ed twisted around, leaning in so he could listen to the conversation.

"Hello, Mustang. It's Al." a faint voice came through, sounding sweet as honey, with a tinge of worry. Roy felt Ed twitch in his lap, sending a worried look at the phone. He looked like he was going to cry.

"Oh, good morning." Roy replied lazily, as he has just woken up.

He heard the voice snort with laughter on the other end. "Morning? I'm sorry sir, but its 2 in the afternoon. Anyway, I called to tell you that Winry and I are at the station, and kind of in need to transportation." The voice paused to laugh. "Could you help out?"

Roy saw that Ed's expression was full-on panic. He was looking from side to side, gripping Mustang's jacket tightly, while still sitting on his lap like a cat. The older man threw Ed a look that tried to say, '_I'll explain later_', but probably looked sympathetic.

"Sure. I'll be over there to pick you up." Roy said steadily, while the ever growing need to hug Edward was rising.

"Thank you, sir. I'll see you soon." Al said, and with a click, the line went dead. Ed stared at the phone for a bit, eye's still wide. Then he looked at Mustang for a few seconds, before giving a shaky "What was that?"

Feeling very uncomfortable, Roy gave a nervous laugh. Then he looked at Edward, and started. "When you were first brought in to the hospital, the doctors needed to contact someone to ask medical information that I wasn't able to provide. Al was the only person on your record, so they called him. Since he had no clue of anything that had gone on, Alphonse and Winry came here. They visited while you were still in the coma, stayed for 3 days, then had to leave because of customers back in Resembool. They asked the doctors to call them when you were released, so they could come back up and visit you. I think you'll have a lot of questions to answer."

Ed looked at Roy with a concerned look. "So… Al saw me? And Win, too?" he whimpered, looking down.

Roy nodded, and sighed. "I don't think I've seen Alphonse more torn apart than when he saw you that first day. Winry was crying a lot, too. Al stayed in the room as much as he was allowed to, talking to you like you were awake. It tore me up, too. They care, Edward. They're here for you. Now come on, they're waiting for us."

Roy nudged Edward off his lap, who grudgingly got up. Roy stood up, wincing at the feeling of blood returning to his legs. Ed stumbled over to his suitcase, picking out attire. Roy couldn't help but glance at the boy's ass as he was bent over the suitcase. '_No! Bad thoughts! He is sick, and you are taking care of him! He doesn't even like you bac-_' Roy's thought process stopped as he thought back to the first time Ed woke up. '_He said… he said he loves me. But did he mean that? I haven't brought it up at all…' _

Roy walked into his room, stripping from his uniform and picking casual clothes. He wasn't required to go to work for a while, to accommodate Edward's problem. Riza said she would still send paperwork over, but only when it was urgent.

Buttoning some black slacks, Roy heard a noise by the door. It sounded like a scared squeak. He turned around, facing the noise. He could barely see it, but that damn antennae was sticking out from the open door-frame. Laughing slightly, he realized Ed had seen him shirtless, got embarrassed, and hid behind the door.

He slipped on a light blue button up, then called out to the blonde, who was still waiting by the door. "Edward? What do you need?"

The blonde came out from the door, his face totally red. His hands were in front of him in fig-leaf, and his gold eyes were darting around. "Uh, yeah, uhm… Where's the bathroom?" he laughed nervously, "I need to change…" he trailed off, shifting on his feet.

Mustang laughed inwardly at the boy's embarrassment, then walked over and led him to the door at the end of the hall. "Meet me out front when you're done, a coldfront came through and there might be ice on the car."

A muffled "Okay!" came through the bathroom door, and Roy made his way out. He felt bad about not telling Edward about Alphonse and Winry, but was still peeved they didn't know anything in the first place. Alphonse had told him they never got any calls from Edward, and his phone line didn't work anymore. Winry said she was really worried, but guessed he was just busy. They both felt it was their fault for his attempt, as they left him on his own. When they left back to their hometown, Roy noticed a ring on Winry's finger. Were they engaged?

Walking down the front steps and to the driveway, Roy wondered why Ed's phone didn't work. Worked fine for him… Did he block their number? Ed wouldn't do that… Would he?

A small frost has tinted the windows but nothing a heater couldn't fix. He opened the door, and turned the key. Warm air blew into his face, and after a minute, the frost had dissipated.

The blonde appeared in the doorway, limping notably down the stairs, and into the car. He kept his head low, making his high ponytail bounce more than usual. He opened the passenger side, and sat down, not saying a word.

"You've been limping for a really long time. Are you alright?" Roy asked, turning to the sulking blonde.

Ed shook his head slightly, mumbling "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

Roy turned away, sighing. '_If he was going to be difficult, I'll have to deal with it.'_ He pulled out of the driveway, and started his way to the train station.

It was 15 minutes full of silence, when they finally pulled up at the bustling station. Roy got out, and Edward silently followed.

The blonde hid behind the older alchemist, clutching to his jacket. Roy laughed quietly at how timid Ed was being, so unlike him. He remembered, however, Winry's problem with throwing wrenches at Ed. Gladly she had not used such a method while Ed was in an anemic coma, but he had seen it in the past.

Roy spotted the worried couple, sitting on a bench, talking to each other. Looking closer, Alphonse has a ring to match. Left hand, ring finger, just as expected. The teen spotted him, and his expression lit up. "Colonel!" he said, his voice full of relief. Both Winry and Al stood up, and make their way to him.

Roy felt Edward's grip tighten, and his face shoved into the middle of his back. He was shaking, and he must have been pretty well hidden because Alphonse looked around, then said "Where's Ed?"

Roy reached around and pinched the blondes side, feeling him twitch and go "Eep!" Roy nudged the blonde out from behind him, but he held strong. "Come on, shrimp. Its not that bad."

Ed whipped around to face him, glaring tiredly. Roy expected a long-awaited rant, but only got a huff of breath before he hesitantly turned around to face the others.

Alphonse and Winry held an amused smile, probably because of Edwards's childish antics. His arms were crossed, and he was looking at them, expectantly. He smirked, and turned to Al. "You finally did it, eh? How'd it go?"

Confused, Al tilted his head to the side, his dirty blonde hair swaying along with it. Ed gave an exasperated sigh. "The ENGAGEMENT." He said, smirking again.

Al sputtered, and looked at Roy. "How does… who did…what?" Roy shrugged, looking at Ed, who was raising an eye brow like it was painfully obvious.

"The rings, her smile, and uh, how about the hickeys on Win's neck? Not an idiot, Al." he said, Winry blushed covered her neck, where two red spots did make an appearance. Ed shook his head, giving a small laugh. It was short, but genuine. Roy smiled.

While entranced in his own thought, Ed didn't notice Winry rushing towards him, pulling the blonde into a tight hug. A tear ran down her cheek, escaping her squinted eyes. Ed gave a strangled yell, but relaxed into the embrace. He awkwardly patted her hand with his flesh hand, loosely wrapping the automail one around her tiny waist. Roy just laughed at how uncomfortable Ed looked.

Winry pulled back, tears still in her eyes. She sniffled, then said in a stern tone, "You are in DIRE need of maitence. Your left leg is nearly half an inch off, and the cylinder in your arm is shifted. You're lucky I brought my supplies."

The couple pulled grabbed their luggage, and made their way to Roy's car. When everyone was piled in, they began their trip back to Roy's. About 5 minutes into the painfully silent car ride, Ed spoke in a quiet voice. "Congratulations you too. Can't say I didn't see it coming, but I really hope its great."

Al and Winry smiled and said their thanks, with surprise still in their eyes. Ed looked down, mumbling in a barely audible tone, "And sorry I didn't tell you anything… I didn't think you wanted to be bothered."

That earned a small gasp from Winry, who immediately glared and said in a painfully unstable voice, "Bothered? Seriously, Ed? That's why we didn't hear from you for 7 months? That's why you never answered our calls? You think that just because we were in Resembool that we didn't want to hear from you anymore? Edward Elric, if that's really what you think from me, then you are so incredibly wrong. I worried about you. You never called, or told us anything about what was going on, we never heard anything from Central, you could've been dead for all we know! Then we got that call from the doctors…" he voice cracked, and she started crying, but continued through tears, "they told us you tried to kill yourself. They were saying all this… this medical bullshit about how it's a mental disorder, a disfunction in the brain or some crap, but I that wasn't true. It was my fault, our fault. We left you. You were alone in that tiny little roach-fest apartment for 8 months, without anyone to talk to. And don't lie to me, and tell me you talked to anyone. From as far as I know, the Colonel and the Lieutenant are the only people that even know about it, and you didn't even go to them! Edward, I thought you trusted us…" Winry ended in a choked sob, which Al prompty followed by putting an arm around her.

Roy looked over at Ed as the pulled in the driveway. His face was pale and full of guilt, his eyes wide and rimmed with tears. He was biting his bottom lip, but it was still shaking. As soon as the car stopped, Ed rushed out, scrambled into the house, and locked himself in his room.

Turning to the couple in the backseat, Roy gave a tired smile. "Give him some time. I'll go up and talk to him, you guys make yourself at home, alright?" They nodded, and made their way into the house.


	11. Chapter 11

**HEY GUYS!  
Thank you sooo much for al the nice reviews! **

**This chapter is where the *cough* uh, action comes along... so please take heed!**

**Thank you!**

Ed stared at the wall for a long time. He felt a lump in his throat, but he didn't... couldn't cry. It seemed like he lost the ability. He was huddled at the headrest of the guest room bed he'd been allowed. It hadn't been used in a while, but it was still warm and homely.

A small knock permeated the heavy silence, rousing Edward from his thoughts. He cringed, desperatley hoping it wasn't Al or Winry at the door. He had dashed off, hiding himself in his room like a toddler, when Winry still had tears in her eyes. It was a miracle if they didn't hate him now, if they didn't already.

"Ed? May I come in?" a muffled voice came through the door. He jiggled the door handle after he got no response, then sighed. "Edward. It's Roy. Don't worry, I'm alone. I just want to talk for a second, kay?"

Considering the possibility he was lying, Ed waited a bit before rolling off the bed and trudging to the door. He quietly unlocked the door, opening it to a warm gaze. He opened it all the way, silently making his way back to the bed, flopping down on it, face first.

He heard Roy follow him, and felt the pressure on the bed shift as he sat down. Warm hands started rubbing the blonde's back. His hands were strong and trustworthy. With a single snap he could set a deadly fire, but at the same time, he could elinate stress with feathery touches and brushes. Hands Edward could trust.

Edward hummed into the pillow softly when Roy hit a sore spot. Rubbing it gently for a few more moments, Roy began in a wam voice, "Al and Winry are worried they upset you. You know, they'd give the world just to see you smile again."

Ed groaned at the reminder, flipping over to face Roy. He saw some fresh bandages and ointment, and eyed them with disgust.

Roy chuckled, noticing the blonde's reaction to the bandages. Ed stuffed his head back into the pillow, then stuck out his left arm, to get it over with. He always looked away when the bandages were changed, since it triggered him so harshly. He felt the tight bandages unravel, the cold ointment against his healing wounds, and the new, softer bandages taking their place. Roy executed this in almost a motherly fashion. His touches were so tender, and caring.

Roy nudged the blonde's shoulder, gesturing to him to move over. Ed rolled over, not even caring anymore. The Colonel sat against the headboard, then sighed. "Ed... I just want to ask you about something, alright? Can you answer me truthfully?"

Ed turned his head to face him, still lying on his stomach. He waited a bit, wondering what he could possibly ask. "Sure..." he said, hesitantly sitting against the headboard, but about a foot away.

Roy ran a hand through his hair, and started. "Do you remember the first time you woke up in the hospital?" Ed nodded, unsure where he was going with this. "Do you remember anything that you said?" Ed nodded, and Roy sighed. "Right before you fell back asleep, you said something to me that I just want to get some claryfication on." Confused, Ed nodded again. He didn't remember saying anything before he fell asleep. Roy took a deep breath, then said in a shaky voice. "You... you told me you loved me. Do you remember that?"

Ed's face hit full flush as he struggled to remember those last strained words he swore were in his head. He turned to Roy in shock, blinking. "I, uh..." he started, not even sure what to say. "I do... I said that out loud?" his voice was shaky, but so was his mind.

Roy blushed slightly, looking down. Damn. Who knew a blush would look so...sexy on him? "Yeah. You said it when you were falling asleep. Did you.. did you mean it? Or were you just-"

"I meant it." Ed blurted out, before his mind could trigger the reaction. His face went even more red, if that was possible.

Roy looked at him, the dazzling saphire in his eyes making an appearance. The emotion in his eyes was nothing he'd ever seen before. It was surprised, but sparkling... with hope? He looked down, laughing slightly. It wasn't making fun of him, it was happy, joyful. He looked up at Ed again, the look even more gorgeous. "I'm not hearing things...right?"

Ed felt something he hadn't in a long time. Warmth came up from his chest, spreading through his entire body in a tingly euphoria. Looking into Roy's eyes... he felt wanted. He felt like he had a sole purpose, even if he couldn't make out what it was. He shook his head, mentally forcing back happy tears. Roy's warm gaze was sending him over the edge, butterflies in his stomach like a middle schooler.

Ed scooted closer to the man next to him, leaning his head on his shoulder. He was relaxing immediatly, soaking in the feeling of human touch. "I love you, Roy." he whispered, letting the words come out after so long.

Roy wrapped one arm around Edward's waist, giving a slight hug. "I love you, too, Ed. I want to keep you under my care and as safe as possible as long as you're here. I want to see that beautiful smile you have..."

Ed shifted and nuzzled into Roy's chest, mumbling softly, "What about when I'm not here?"

Roy pulled Ed tighter, resting his cheek on the blonde's head. "Well that's entirley your decision."

Ed shifted again, putting his hand on Roy's shoulder. He leaned up, and placed a short, loving kiss on the older man's lips. It was warm and soft, emotion pouring out. Ed pulled away, looking into Roy's gaze. "That answer your question?" he said with a smile. A real one.

Roy nodded, pulling Ed into his lap. He leaned down, placing a hesitant kiss on the Ed's lips. Ed responded by placing his arms around the older alchemist's neck, tracing circles on his back.

The kiss was slow and passionate, tongues slowly battling, teeth gently biting. The shock in Ed's stomach spread through his body, and he was overcome with emotion. He felt so wanted, so needed, so loved. This was so perfect. So right.

When Roy's hand was on the small of his back, the other in his hair, and his lips pressing gently, but passionatley against his, it didn't even cross Ed's mind how it could have been wrong. It didn't matter he was his superior, or that he was staying here because he was sick. No, it didn't phase him that they were both men, with a huge age difference. Ed's mind didn't even process that he was recovering from a suicide attempt, or that maybe Roy was playing him. It just wasn't a factor to the pure emotion, the joy, the hope, the warmth, that Ed was feeling.

The need for air grew, so Ed pulled away, looking into the Colonel's eyes. They were darkened with lust, but still held that dark blue sparkle. Breathing heavily, Ed nuzzled into Roy's chest, finding himself in a position much like earlier this morning. But something had changed.

Roy wrapped his arms loosley around Ed's waist, bringing him close. Ed relaxed to the beat of the older man's heart, and the sound of his breathing. Before long, sleep started to pull him over, and he strained to mumble one last phrase into his lovers jacket before letting the darkness pull him over. "I love you, Roy. I'm so glad you're finally...mine..."

"Its been an hour and a half, Al." Win said, still visibly shaken. "Can you go check on them?"

Alphonse nodded, making his way down the hall. Both Roy and Ed's bedroom's were on the first floor, while Winry's and his own was on the second. Getting to Ed's, he noticed the door was slightly open. He paused, and listened for talking. Either they were being really quiet, or they weren't talking.

Pushing the door open slightly, the younger Elric peered into the dimmed room. Gasping slightly, he pulled back, still unoticed.

He made his way back to the living room, and smiled at Winry. "Come here, you'll like this." The blonde looked confused, but followed Al when he grabbed her hand.

"Are you sure its okay?" she asked hesitantly, whispering in case she was heard. Winry had a strange idea that Ed hated her... and was really mad. Al tried to explain he was just upset, but it didn't seem to cross her.

Reaching the bedroom, Alphonse pushed the door open slightly, and they looked inside.

There, on the bed, were two very asleep, very close alchemists. Winry blushed, and whispered, "Awww..." as she took in the sight.

Ed was curled on Roy's lap, smiling into his slightly unbuttoned shirt. Roy had his arms wrapped around him protectivley, leaning onto the blonde's shoulders. They looked so happy.

Relishing in the moment for a moment more, Al and Winry turned to each other, still smiling. Al backed out, closing the door silently behind them. They made their way back to where they were sitting, not forgetting the look of bliss on their brother's and friend's face as he was held by the man he clearly loves.


	12. Chapter 12

**Longer chapter, kinda boring. A touch of fluff, but overall, boring.**

**I SWEAR TO ISHVALLA I WILL POST A LEMON IN THE NEXT CHAPTER**

**I'm contemplating how it will go, since I've gotten really good ideas. Give me more! I want you guys to read something you like!**

**Bye lieblings! (:**

Roy woke up slowly, once again realizing he wasn't in his own bed. He felt the same presence on his lap, but didn't panic or push away. Instead, he pulled the warm, sleeping blonde closer to him, placing a gentle kiss on his golden hair.

Coming more to his senses, he realized it was dark outside. How long had they been asleep? Glancing at the clock, it told to be only 6:30. The scent of food wafted through the slightly open door, and his stomach rumbled in response.

Shaking Ed lightly, he roused the blonde from his sleep. "Hey. It's time to get up." Roy said softly, rubbing the alchemist's back.

Ed grumbled, not moving. "5 more minutes…" he said, in a tired, slightly whiny voice.

Roy laughed softly, then mused, "Aw, come on. It's time for dinner." Ed's eyes shot open, as he seemed to remember he was hungry. Stumbling off the Colonel's lap, he made his way to the door.

He stopped, combing his golden hair back into a pony-tail, as it had fallen out, and Roy stopped behind him. The older man pulled the blonde into a hug from behind, leaning over to kiss his flushed cheek.

Ed flinched, but leaned back into the embrace. "Hey…Roy?" he mumbled, "Can we not tell Winry or Al about…this? Just for now?" he turned around, facing Roy, then looked down. "Its not that I'm ashamed or anything… I just… er…"

Roy smiled, and spoke up, "I understand." Ed looked up, his eyes sparkling. "We won't tell them until you're ready. I assume that goes for the crew, as well?"

Ed leaned into Roy's chest, nodding. "Thanks."

They made their way to the kitchen, brushing wrinkles out of clothes, and fixing hair. They kept close, but not too close.

Al was standing over a pot on the stove, that was obviously the source of the heavenly aroma throughout the house. He straightened up, giving the two alchemists a warm smile. "Hey guys. It started getting late, so I started dinner." He turned to Roy. "Hope you don't mind…" he blushed and turned to Ed, who was slightly fidgety. "I made stew."

Ed's eyes sparkled again, and he smiled. "Thanks Al! You're the best." Roy laughed at how much he lit up at the mention of it, and only hoped it would help his dwindling eating habits. He was still thin as a stick, but from the hospital's nutrition, it was getting better.

Winry came from upstairs, then stopped, looking at Roy and Ed. She gave a small, knowing smile, that kind of scared Roy. She silently made her way to the couch, flipped over her book, and continued to read.

Ed walked over to the kitchen, still suffering from that limp, and got silverware from the cabinets. Roy watched the two in the kitchen, smiling at how normal it looked. The Elric's worked with each other for years, relying on each other, trusting each other. It was amazing that even after months of being apart, they could still finish each other's sentences, and move around each other like one being. Even in something as mundane as cooking dinner, the two brothers were astonishing.

When dinner was set out on the dining room table, Winry joined, sitting next to her fiancé. It was quiet at first, but then Ed and Al started talking about some theory Edward had been working on, leaving Winry and Roy to awkwardly glance at each other, both amused at how wrapped up they were, talking in their own world of alchemy, saying complicated things not even Roy understood.

Delighted to have his long-time favorite dish, Ed ate more than he did throughout his entire stay at the hospital. He was bubbly and cheerful, talking about happenings in Resembool, obviously avoiding his current situation completely.

Nobody wanted to bring up anything about it, they just wanted to enjoy his happiness while they could. But bliss could not last forever. They had to talk about it sometime.

After all the stew was gone, Roy and Ed offered to clean up the dishes. They brought everything over, and while Roy thought nobody could see, he quickly kissed Ed on the cheek, almost laughing at how fast his face turned red.

"Royyy!" he whined, looking up with a happy smile. He turned back to the dishes, still blushing profusely.

Everyone settled into the living room, and Winry started in a timid voice. "Hey, Ed? Like I said earlier, your automail needs matinence. They wouldn't let me do it while you were in the hospital, so uh, can I do that now? I have my tool bag upstairs." She offered a warm smile, and Ed nodded.

"Sure, Win." He stood up, making his way upstairs. Winry followed, leaving Roy and Al in the room alone.

They waited for a bit in awkward silence, before Al sighed in defeat. He ran a hand through his hair, then looked at Roy. "How's he doing?"

Surprised, Roy simply responded, "Great... Couldn't you tell?" It was true, once out of the hospital, Edward's health was improving immensly. That first night he confessed things he hadn't told anyone, not even his brother. He let Roy touch him, even initiated it. The sparkle in Ed's eyes was something he'd only seen when they got their bodies back, so happy, filled with bliss.

"Yeah, I mean, I could see him, but he's gotten good at faking a smile, and I even I don't know when he's faking." the younger Elric said, obviously concerned. Why wouldn't he be? His older brother, his only blood family, the person he looked up to so much, was in deep depression, contemplating his own life.

"He's gotten so much better in the past month. Before the attempt I confronted him, asking him what's wrong because I just hated seeing that dead look in his eye. I found out about the cutting, and he brushed me off completley. It wasn't even a day later that Lt. Hawkeye and I found him in his apartment. I don't know what happened, but after he came here, the tension just snapped. It'll take a while, but I know he'll get better in due time." Roy concluded, smiling at the boy in front of him. It was weird, though, seeing dirty blonde and hair and chocolate eyes instead of a suit of armour. He hadn't gotten used to it.

Alphonse sighed in relief, and looked up. "That's really great to hear... Brother's been strong for so long. Apperantly its because he didn't want to seem weak in front of anyone, especially me. He has this mindset that he can't be weak in front of anyone, because he has this reputation that he's strong. Its amazing you got anything out of him. He must really like you."

Roy sputtered and flushed, not really controlling his reaction. '_He found out, but how? Oh goodness...' _He quickly got ahold of his senses, and looked at the younger Elric again. "What do you mean?" he smiled, deciding that playing the innocent card was the best way to go.

Al smirked, then raised an eye brow. He looked eerily like how Ed did at the train station. "I went up to ask if I should start dinner, and I saw you guys asleep. It was really cute, you know? You both looked so happy. I'm fine with it, just don't hurt my brother." He gave a soft smile, glancing at the flushed Colonel.

Lost for words, Roy simply nodded. Al was always the sensible brother, right? On the journey to get their bodies back, Al always seemed to be the one to apologize, and try to fix things. He would hold his older brother back from arguments, telling him to calm down. It seemed like _he _was the older brother. When he found his voice, he gave a half smile. "I wouldn't dream of hurting him. He's amazing young man, and I feel it is my reson to protect him."

Satisfied with Roy's expresssion, Al stood up. "I'm going upstairs to see if Win needs any help. You should come up, too. Reattaching automail gets painful, I'm sure he'll be glad to see you."

"Hey, does Winry know?" Roy asked as they got to the stairs.

Al snorted laughter, then turned around. "Yeah. She saw you, too. She went on for 20 minutes about how adorable it was. She thinks Ed hates her, and seeing him happy like that made her exstatic. She kept jumping up and down and saying things like, 'And did you see how he was holding him! It was just so perfect!'" Al laughed, shook his head, then continued. "She's really happy Ed found someone. I am too."

Roy smiled, and they made their way up the stairs. "Can you just not mention it to Ed? He didn't want to let you know for a bit, if that's okay."

Al laughed for a second, smiling. "Just like him. He doesn't think we'll accept him. I knew he was gay when Rose, a girl from Lior, asked him out. He gave her the excuse that he was travelling a bunch, and wouldn't have time for it, but I knew that look of disust in his eyes. He just doesn't like women." he paused, as they reached the door. "Oh, and if you really wanted to keep it a secret, kissing him while he did the dishes was... not a real discreet thing to do." Al smiled,then opened the door.

Flushed, Roy followed in, looking at the sight of Ed. He was laying on the bed, tools strewn around him, missing his arm. He was just in his boxers, and he was grumbling inaudible to Winry, who was focused on complicated wiring in the detached automail.

Any other time, and Roy would ignore the sight of Ed like this. But his face was slightly red, his hair was tangled around his shoulders, and he was, of course, shirtless. The site was beautiful.

He came over, and sat in a chair by the bed. Silently he listened to Ed and Winry's conversation.

Winry huffed, looking straight at Ed. "Don't try to tell me that you've been taking care of yourself. You are skinnier than me. I swear, I will make you eat until you're at least to a healthy weight."

Ed tilted his head, obviously annoyed. "Fine, I'll eat, but don't you dare think for a second I'm drinking milk."

Sighing in frustration, Winry shook her head. Her long blonde pony tail swished, and he went back to working on the automail. Ed continued to stare down, and didn't seem to realize the people in the room.

Al walked over cautiously, and sat on the bed. Ed looked up, his mind obviously somewhere else. He held a childish apperance, so innocent. He was twitching his feet back and forth, as they were finally even again. "Hey, brother?" Al asked, still cautious.

Ed looked at his feet, still visibly distracted. "Yeah?" he said, with an airy quality. It had een there when he was talking to Winry, too.

"We'll be staying here for a bit, so I just wanted to let you know that no matter what, you can come and talk to me. Alright?" Al said, smiling sadly.

Ed, unfazed, nodded, and smiled brightly. He leaned over on his one arm, and hugged Al tightly. Al squeaked at the surprise, but quickly hugged him back.

Ed has never been a touchy person, so when he leaned over and hugged Al so suddenly, Roy had to raise an eyebrow. He glanced over at Winry, who was screwing on a cover to the wires in the metal appendage. She glanced over the Ed, and smiled. "Hey, Edward. I'm done with your arm. Time to attach it."

Ed groaned, and tried to cross his arms. It looked kind of silly, considering he only had one.

"Oh, come on. The painkillers are obviously working. It won't be so bad." Winry said with an amused smile. So that's why he's kind of loopy. Ed nodded while Winry got up to attach it. Roy shifted too, and grabbed Ed's flesh hand. He turned, a low shimmer in his sedated eyes, and smiled. It was carefree, and happy.

"1...2...3!" Winry said, and with the help of Al, plugged the arm into the socket. Ed let out a yelp of pain, squeezing Roy's hand tight. He lay there, his face paling, then went limp on the bed.

Roy shot Winry a worried look, but she just shrugged. "He's not used to it. Take him to bed, will you? It's getting late." She smiled, gathering her tools. Roy hesitantly picked up the blonde, and carried him downstairs. He contemplated setting him in his own room, but thought otherwise.

He set the blonde in his large bed, bringing the blankets over him. He was shivering, Winry mentioned it was a side effect of the pain killers. He pulled into bed, and pulled his arm around Ed's waist. The sleeping figure unconsiously snuggled back into the warmth, relaxing Roy. He held the blonde, only thinking of happy things when he welcomed the tendrils of sleep that pulled him over.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello my lovlies!**

**Here you go! The lemon you've been asking for!**

**Just for anyone who decided to start reading at Chapter 13- *Warning. This is yaoi. BoyxBoy, whatever. And yeah, they have sex. Smutty sex. If you don't want to read this... Then leave. If you do, don't leave, and please reveiw!***

**Enjoy, lieblings!~**

It had been 2 weeks since Edward settled himself in the house of Roy Mustang. 2 weeks since he finally got everything he wanted. Everything seemed to fall into place after that. Winry and Al knew, and supported him. Bonds with Winry and Ed had mended, as much as possible, at least. After that first night, when Ed confessed to the cutting to Roy, a huge weight just got lifted off of him. The knot of tension slipped away, and at first, Ed was pissed. It shouldn't be that easy. He'd been suffering for months, cutting relentlessly, trying to find salvation. Then this damn Colonel showed up in his thoughts, with his stupid sexy hair, his stupid stunning smile, and his stupid amazing body. Ed just hated how after he told himself over and over that it wouldn't ever get better, then this arrogant bastard struts in, and sweeps Ed off his feet. He takes Ed out of this pool of misery with his gentle voice, his passionate kisses, and his charming laugh. The blonde felt weak, knowing this, but he didn't regret a thing. He was in love. Love. Like a teenage girl. Like he swore he would never fall in.

After yet another Doctor's appointment, Ed sat on the couch, the very one from the first night, filling out some make-up paperwork. He was to go back to headquarters the next day, as his leave was up. He was still taking his medicine, and while he didn't like it, it made him feel slightly better. He hadn't cut at all, craved it occasianlly, but never gave into the temptation. The bandages were removed, but Ed wore long sleeves all the time, just to avoid looking at the still-inflamed scars that littered his arm.

Hearing footsteps in the room, Ed looked up at the figure. Roy stood there, holding a bag of groceries. He smiled, and Ed felt his stomach flutter. The Colonel walked to the kitchen, and Ed hopped up to follow. He had started eating more, thanks to Winry bothering him nonstop, so his weight was falling back to a normal number.

He walked up behind Roy, who knew he was there. The soft clink of his automail was unmistakable on the tile floor. He walked over, and hugged Roy around the waist from behind. He leaned against him, smiling at his warmth.

Roy reached behind him, pinching Ed's side, much like at the train station. When Ed twitched and made a soft noise, Roy laughed, and continued putting things in the pantry. "Sorry, love, I'll be done in a minute. Alright?" He turned around, leaning down to kiss Ed gently. Smiling and blushing, Ed sauntered back to the couch, picking up his pen, and continued to work on his paperwork.

Ed admitted he was slightly excited to go back to work, even if he wasn't allowed to go on missions. He hadn't seen the crew at since he first got into the hospital, except for Riza, but that was very rarley. She stopped by the house sometimes, but Ed never saw her. He was probably asleep.

He missed seeing Hawkeye and Havoc, especially laughing at the tension between them. They both liked each other, but were either too full of pride, or too thick headed to admit it. He missed the undying kindness and respect he got from Fuery, Breda, and Falman. He might not miss doing tons of paperwork, but if Roy was there, just seeing him would be comfort.

He'd have to revert back to 'Colonel' or 'Mustang' for the time being. Even though Winry and Al knew and were okay, (In fact, Winry went on for 20 minutes saying that they were the cutest couple she'd ever seen...) but he didn't want to risk anything at Headquarters beacuse even if the crew were fine with it, it was still against the rules. And getting court-marshield was not on Ed's wish-list.

Roy came back into the room, and sat down next to Ed. He wrapped one arm around Ed's shoulders, while Ed continued to fill out seemingly endless stacks of paper. "How was your day?" Ed asked, referring to his first day back at work. He was allowed to stay alone, but the doctor said that he still had to stay at Roy's house. Not that Ed minded.

"It was alright. Had to catch up on a shitload of work, though. That's why I'm home so late." Roy said, sighing. Ed could imagine Hawkeye nagging him to do work nonstop, and could see how that was stressful.

"Yeah... It's 8:30." Ed said, glancing at the clock. He started on the last page, relieved. "After this I'm gonna take my medicine and go to sleep, alright?" He looked up at Roy, who appeared to be in thought.

"Oh, sure." he leaned closer to Ed's face. "Eh? You have something on your face... Right there." The blonde could barley comprehend before warm lips were pressed against his.

Quickly, Ed threw his arms around Roy's neck, and deepend the kiss. The raven-haired man placed his hands at Ed's hips, pulling the blonde even closer.

The kiss was passionate, but hungry. Teeth nipped harder than usual, initiating the need that dwelled within both of the alchemists. Ed's hands were in Roy's thick hair, pulling him down on top of the younger man. Soft moans and tight noises came from their lips, while they lay on the couch. Ed felt a burning heat in his lower stomach, and his nerves were incredibly sensitive. The blonde remembered that Winry and Al went out to visit the Hughes residence, so they had the house to themselves. Smiling, Ed ran a hand down Roy's side, dropping to play with the hem of his shirt.

Roy pulled away slightly, gasping for much-needed air. "Bedroom." he choked out in a low, husky voice. "Now."

He pulled himself off, grabbing Ed's hand so they could make haste to the room. They made it to the room, stopping in the doorway, as if they couldn't take it anymore. Roy kissed Ed slightly, but trailed down his jaw, to his neck. Biting softly, Ed moaned in approval. Roy lapped at the skin as Ed tilted his head back, his hands fisted in his shirt. The hot trail Roy was leaving to the blondes color bone was turning him on in all the right ways.

Struggling to stay standing, Ed pushed Roy to the bed, leaning up to kiss him roughly. They fell back onto the bed, and Roy immediatley pounced on Ed, straddling his hips.

Ed was glad that Roy was exerting dominance, he would expect nothing less, but Ed was still painfully inexperienced at times like this, and guisdance was definatley in order.

He looked up into those beautiful eyes, kind, but hungry. The blue was unoticable due to darkening through lust. Ed pulled him down to capture his slightly swollen lips. His hands trailed to tug at the hem of his button-up shirt. He removed his military jacket at boots, and was now removing that offending shirt.

Ed looked him over, entranced. He had an amazing body, he knew, but this was godly. Scars littered him, only slightly paler than his fair tone. The scars only made him more beautiful. Ed trailed a hand down his chest, his flesh fingers tracing the muscles that lie lower. Roy only smiled, taking quick work of Ed's oversized shirt.

When Ed's shirt was off, Roy leaned down, nipping at his ear. "You sure about this, love?" he whispered, his voice irresistable. Ed nodded, wanting nothing more than to have Roy take him this second.

The older alchemist shifted, then started kissing down Ed's neck. The blonde felt him undoing his pants, while he was moving downward, licking at his collarbone, his chest, extracting high-pitched noises of approval.

He gasped when Roy's hand grabbed Ed's length, and started stroking. His movements were controlled, and firm, sending waves of pleasure coursing throughout Ed's body. He muffled loud moans with his hand, biting his lip to keep quiet from screaming. This was nothing like he'd ever felt before.

Roy stopped, but only to pull of Ed's trousers completley. He tossed them off the bed, and they landed on the carpeted floor with a soft noise. Ed took action, leaning over Roy. He could be submissive, but he couldn't do nothing. Equivelent Exchange goes farther than alchemy.

Kissing Roy Mustang felt like soaring on the clouds. His taste, his movements, it was intoxicating. He was drugged on the feeling of steady hands in his hair, the way he wrapped one arm around his waist, pulling him as close and possible, and just the essence of being loved like he was. Ed fell in love, sure, but the first time he nipped at Roy's neck, and heard that tight gasp, the soft moan, he knew he was head over heels. This man was moer than he could ever dream of, more than that, really.

Ed eased down Roy's navy blue pants, along with his boxers. While it was difficult with one hand, his other was busy, rolling one of Roy's nipples gently. The man's expression held unmistakable pleasure, his eyes pulled shut, and his nose scrunched. Ed placed a gentle kiss on Roy's lips, taking his member into his hands. As soon as he added pressure, Roy let out a noise that was quite possibly, the sexiest thing Ed ever heard. It was a possesive growl, but not agressive it was light, somehow suggesting '_You are mine.' _and '_My turn._' all at once. Roy pushed Ed back gently, pulling his loose pony tail out. Gold hair fluttered to his shoulders, framing his face.

Roy leaned over running his mouth over Ed's nipple, while brushing his hand on the blonde's inner thigh. Ed let out a gasp, relishing the pleasure of his calloused fingers gently touching delicate skin.

The fingers brushed right near Ed's length, gliding around the area, but not touching the painfully hard member. Roy hand moved to biting Ed's neck, sucking until a red bruise formed. Letting out a frustrated moan, Ed rasped, "Please... Ah! Please Roy..." His voice was hard to use, for its hard to talk when you have pleasure running through your veins, making your blood heavy with desire.

"As you wish, love." Roy purred, that irresistable smirk he once hated gracing his face. He leaned to the bedside table, pulled out a drawer, and got out a bottle. Lube, obviously.

Clicking the top singlehandedly, Roy flipped it over and dribbled some on fingers with expert procation. Ed simply watched, entranced at the swift action.

Roy turned to the flushed blonde, hunger in his eyes, but a soft smile on his lips. "You ready?" he purred, leaning over Ed once again. "Relax for me, babe." he whispered, trailing slicked fingers down to Ed's entrance.

Pushing one finger in, Ed squirmed at the discomfort, but it didn't bother him all that much. When another finger was added, Ed gave a tight noise, tensing up.

Roy kissed him softly, mumuring against Ed's lips, "Relax. It'll feel better if you do." he pushed in a 3rd finger, then made a scissoring motion. It hurt, sure, but when his fingers his that one spot just right, Ed saw stars.

Unable to muffle his moan, Ed threw his head against he pillows, arching his back to cope with the blinding pleasure coarsing through him. Settling down, he realized Roy had removed the fingers. He looked at Roy, breathing heavy. The smirk was there, but it was different. It was pleased, not arrogant. Leaning over Ed once more, ajusting to align his length, he whispered, "You are so sexy when you do that, Edward. You don't even know how beautiful you are right now."

Ed twitched when the tip was inserted, but relaxed insantly. Roy was big, but Ed could handle it. He looked up, and moved his hips slightly. Roy nodded, pushing in slowly. The pain was overwhelming, but it was edged with pleasure. Once fully inside, Roy stopped to kiss Ed hungrily.

Passion, Desire, and Love poured from the kiss, filling the room with an overall feeling of need. You couldn't mistake the look of desire and lust in Roy's eyes, and it was probably the same for Ed. A thin layer of sweat covered both, and when Roy pulled away, they were both smiling.

When the pain had fully settled, Ed moved his hips again. "Move..." he grunted, urging the raven-haired man to continue.

Complying, Roy pulled out and pushed back in at a steady pace. It hurt a little, but when Ed got used to that, the pleasure was invigorating. Waves of lust washed through him, his entire body was tingling. Somehow it didn't feel real. Like he wasn't even touching the bed, simply floating over it in some sort of dream-state.

"Faster, oh god, faster, please!" Ed moaned, throwing his head back again. Roy sped up, biting Ed's exposed neck. The blonde put his legs around Roy's waist, pulling him deeper. In the next thrust, Roy hit that spot again.

Ed nearly screamed, the feeling was too much. Instead he let out a breathy moan through his teeth, clutching the sheets next to him, balling them in clenched fists.

After a while, they had found their rhythym. They moved as one, drinking in each other's pleasure. The noises they made were souly for each other, for their love. They new it was nearing the end when Roy had started stroking Ed's member, sending him into a world where it was only him and Roy, only them.

"Ah! Roy.. I'm.. g-gonna..." Ed gasped, stumbling over hardley-coherent words. He couldn't finish though, because he saw flashing colors and lights, and his body turned to liquid. That white substance was over his chest, and he could feel Roy finishing inside of him.

After a moment of catching their breath, Roy pulled out, and relaxed next to Ed. He looked at him with a tired smile, brushing his hand over a flushed cheek. "I love you." he said, with full seriousness in his voice. Even though his thoughts were whiring his mind, he brought out that single sentence, because he needed it to be said.

Ed smiled, wrapping an arm about his lover, then pressed his forhead to the older man's. "I love you, too." he said, sleep taking over him.

Roy pulled the blonde to his chest, brought the thin blanket over them, and kissed Ed's tangled hair.

Queen Mab took them both over, letting them dream happily of each other.

Opening the front door with the spare key they were given, Winry and Al made their way through the front door. They had gone to the Hughes' residence for a while, staying up to talk to Gracia and Maes, helping Elysia to bed.

It took the 8 year old a while to ajust to seeing Al, since she had not seen him since he was a suit of armour. Winry laughed at how the girl didn't believe him, and started asking things she thought only he would know.

They had stayed late, and had gotten their invitation for Elysia's 9th birthday party from the over-enthusiastic Luietenant-Colonel before they left. Knowing Ed's 20th birthday was the same day, they talked about what they should get him.

It was around 10:00, and all the lights were off, so the couple inferred that Roy and Ed were asleep, resting in the same bed. Al decided to check just once, and tip-toed to the half-open door. Peering in, he saw the two, happy and in each other's arms. He smiled, and shut the door.

Walking up the stairs, he sat on the bed next to Winry. Looking into her blue eyes, Al smiled. "This is the happiest I've ever seen Ed. I'm just hoping it will last." He said, taking his fiancee's hand.

The blonde nodded, smiling as well. "I'm sure it will. Roy looks at him like he's the light of his world. I might not remember it all that well, but it looks identical as how my dad looked at my mom. They're in love." she laughed, shaking her head. "I'd never tell him this, but I always saw Ed with the Colonel. The petnames he gave him, the way he would tense up when he was mentioned, I knew it was much more than he thought."

Al nodded, then turned off the light. Then, the entire residence was taken over by sleep, awaiting the next morning with a peace-filled mind.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello, liebllings!**

**This chapter is kinda long, and I wrote most of it at 3 am, so it might not make a lot of sense. Sorry about that!**

**Again, this story is much less about sex, as it is based around recovery. I think I'll add one more lemon, but this story really is about self-harm. **

**Reveiw my lovlies!**

"Ughhh..." the blonde groaned when Al shook him, "5 more minutes Royyyy..." he whined absently, shoving his face back into the pillow. Al laughed, and shook him again.

"Come on, brother." he said sweetly, making sure to keep the blanket over his waist, for he was, indeed, nude. "Roy's already up. He told me to get you up. Apperantly you ...bit... him?"

Ed muffled laughter into the pillow, recalling the incident. Roy kept poking him in the face, figuring he could just annoy him up. When he got too close to his mouth, Ed bit his finger. Not hard enough to bleed, but he still retracted back quickly, called him a brat, then left.

"Alright. Whatever, brother. I'll be back in 5 minutes with your meds. Get some pants on, will you?" Al said, amused that his brother had not changed at all over the years. He sighed, and made his way out of the room.

Ed lifted his head, his vision partially blocked by the tangled golden mass someone could call hair. He slipped off the bed, and threw on pants. Still shirtless, he limped out, not from automail damages, but from a rather adventerous romp the night previous.

Getting to the kitchen, he reached up to the too tall cabinet to grab a glass, then filled it with water. Al handed him the 3 pills he had to take, and Ed watched him put the orange bottles back into the lock-and-key safe that was off limits to the blonde. Ed tilted his head to the side, looking confused at the extra white tablet. "There's a new one." he said bluntly, unaware of what his doctor was saying the day before.

Al shrugged, and still holding the pills in an outreached hand. "You agreed to this one yesterday. I guess you weren't paying attention. It's just an anti-psychotic. Abilify. Kay?"

Taking the pills mechanically, he sighed. "Hey, brother? I made some coffee. Want some?" Al's voice chirped up, only halfway permeating Ed's cloudy, sleep filled mind. He gulped down the water, washing the pills down with it.

Ed nodded, "No milk." and walked back to the room, still barely awake. There he picked out his normal "uniform" (He'd never cared for the military dress-code so he made up his own attire.) and put it on. The nostalgic feeling of his leather trousers made him smile, along with tank top and jacket. He sauntered out of the room, harshly brushing out the knots in his hair.

A cup of coffee awaited him, black with 3 sugars, and he smiled his brother. "Thanks, Al." he set the brush down, picking up the mug, sipping the hot liquid. "You know, I'm kind of excited to go back to work. I've missed the people there. I just hope they don't have too many questions." His brow furrowed, and he looked to his brother, who was sitting at the table, drawing. The younger Elric had established himself quite an artist since the recovery of his body.

"Mustang said that anybody at headquarters was told you were staying in Resembool with us on sick leave. Just stick to that." Al offered, shrugging his shoulders as he drew a figure, closley resembling Lust, one of the seven, now deceased, Homunculi.

Ed once asked his brother why he drew things like that, as he expected them to bring bad memories. '_Sometimes they do, to be honest. I can't draw anything that relates to Mom, or 'That Day.' But usually drawing things out helps me get over it, you see? Like drawing the Homunculi. Their bodies are interesting, great inspiration._' Al had smiled, as he currently drew a picture of Maes Hughes, smiling, and holding a picture of Elysia. _'Though I have found,' _he said, putting the pencil down, '_That it is easier to draw things that bring up memories, simply because I can put more emotion._' Accepting Al's response, he just watched his brother draw, entranced.

Roy then walked out, dressed in a iron-pressed, navy blue uniform, his hair slightly damp from the shower. He still had tired eyes, and was not wearing his boots or gloves, so he did not look like the intimidating Colonel that Ed used to know. "Good morning." he greeted, making his way to the kitchen. Ed sat at the table, watching him. He was used to this kind of morning routine, but not at 6 am.

He sighed, absently eating the toast Winry put in his face. He was ready to go, just waiting on Roy to get his ass ready. He braided his hair back into a braid, satisfied at how fast he could do it, after all this time. The braid was thick, and lay in the middle of his shoulder blades. Ed relaxed into the couch, waiting for his Colonel to make his way out.

Not 5 minutes later, Roy came out, looking as professional as ever. He was pulling on the pyrotex gloves, the red array visible. "Come on, Ed. Lets go." he called, glancing in the direction of the blonde. Ed jumped up, basically skipping to the door.

The car ride was short. Roy and Ed made small conversation, but there was nothing that really needed to be said. They pulled up to Headquarters, and made their way to the door.

As soon as they walked in, Ed heard something. It started as a low hum, like something was turned on. Ignoring it, the blone walked on.

They were greeted with salutes and 'Welcome backs' from coworkers, of which they accepted gracefully. The humming continued, but Ed blocked it out, figuring it was just the building itself.

They pushed through the office doors, looking to find Hawkeye, Fuery, and Falman already at their desks, working away. They looked up, and all smiled. "Edward!" Fuery called, ajusting his thick glasses.

"How was Resembool?" Falman asked cheerily. It was nice, having people on your side. Ed realized, maybe for the first time... that _they _cared. _They _would be say if Ed had died. He felt a sudden pit in his stomach, but ignored it, a smiled.

"It was good. Really relaxing, you know?" He lied, trying to stay as close to the truth as possible, but still sticking to the story. "Oh! Al and Winry are engaged now. He brought her down to the riverside that we used to play at when we were kids, and got down on one knee. About time."

Hawkeye smiled, but still brought a folder to Ed. "Since you can't leave, this is a journal from a suspect. He's an alchemist, and the notes seem to be written in an ornate code. Think you can handle it?" Ed nodded, and made his way to the couch. He figured he'd stay out here, mainly to catch up with people.

Roy made his way to his office, carrying a hefty stack of paperwork, glaring at it all the way. He opened his office door, then turned around to flash Ed a blinding smile, of which he blushed and returned.

The first 30 minutes went smoothly, Havoc and Breda showed up, and talked to Ed for a bit. He was enrgossed in the journal, though. The code was complicated, sure, but Ed was finding things to match up.

That went on for about an hour, and the humming hand not ceased. Ed suddenly felt a presence behind him, so he turned around. Nothing... Confused, but slightly relived, he went back to doing his work.

Then, at the corner of his vision, there was a feather. It was floating around him. It was long, and blood red. Ed reached out to grab the object, but each time it fluttered out of grasp. It whirled around him for a bit, before disappearing. Ed quickly forgot about it, and turned back to the papers strewn all over the table.

He felt the presence, again, but heard no footsteps. Ignoring it, he continued staring at the journal. Then he heard a voice. It rang clear from the room, but also slightly echoed in his mind. A voice he hadn't heard for years. Deep, but slightly feminine. It send chills down Ed's spine.

"Hello, pipsqueak."

Turning around, he met a wide, bloody grin. Violet eyes pierced his own, filled with bad intentions and insanity. Dark green tresses came over the the back of the couch, as he was leaning over it.

'Envy!' the blonde tried to call, but found he could not speak. So many questions reeled through his mind, but he could only stare, shocked. _'How is he alive?' 'How did he get in?' 'What does he want from me?' 'Is this even real?' _ All these thoughts flew through his mind, and he brought his eyes from the revived Homunculous to around the room, glancing slightly at the undisturbed workers around him. Did they not see the cladly dressed monster in the room?!

Envy smiled, and walked around the couch. He kneeled in front of it, that deathly smile still on his lips. He he had blood on his gloved hands, and speckled on his shoulders and face. "Oh, so you didn't forget me, eh?" he purred, one hand reaching up to touch the blondes face.

Unable to move, speak, or even breath, Ed stayed still. The hand brushed against his jawline, ghostly and cold. It almost felt like it wasn't there, but Ed could smell the pungent smell of blood. He stared, wide eyed at the creature, who was looking at him with a devilish grin.

"Oh, pipsqueak. You look so cute when you're scared." he purred, that purple in his eyes lit up. "Show me your wrist, short stuff."

Reluctantly, Ed pulled the sleeve up, too scared to disobey the monster in front of him. There was no way this was real. Wouldn't someone notice the supposivley deceased enemy in the room? He should have a bullet through his head by now, shouldn't he?

"Hm, you're such a coward, don't you know, pipsqueak?" he smiled, his finger tracing the deepest scar. "Why didn't you kill yourself? Nobody wants you here."

Panicking, Ed shoved down his sleeve, and jumped over the back of the couch. He let his mind guide him into a stumbling run, and he opened the large door to Roy's office, slamming it behind him. Hopefully Envy can't get in here. He can't go through walls, right?

Panting, he locked the door, and slid down. He closed his eyes, and wrapped his arms around his knees, trying to collect his thoughts. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and his eyes shot open.

"Edward. Ed. What's wrong?" Roy said, concern in his eyes. He gently took one of Ed's hands, and rubbed it gently.

Finally finding his voice, Ed tried to start in a shaky whisper. "I s-saw him. He's in there. H-he showed up and looked at my w-wrist. I thought he was dead!" he stopped, looking at his lover with tears in his eyes.

One tear slid down his cheek, and Roy wiped it away. "Babe. Who?" he took off one glove with his teeth, and pressed it to Ed's forehead. "No fever... Edward. Who did you see?"

"E-envy." he whispered, as if it was secret information. He suddenly felt a wave of emotion, and reeled forward, clutching Roy's jacket, and sobbed.

He felt Roy pick him up and move him, and they sat down. The Colonel ran his hands through the blondes hair, silently calming down his lover. Ed relaxed his grip, his tears lessening. He just sat on Roys lap, leaning on him limply.

A quiet knock on the door was heard, and the two paused. Ed shuffled off Roy's lap and Roy went to open the locked door. The blonde was afraid to look, in fear that monster would be waiting for him.

Instead, he was met with the concerned, rust-colored eyes of Lt. Hawkeye. "Edward... I just wanted to check and see if you were okay. You ran off quite unexpectantly." she said, her voice calm and soothing.

Ed looked up, and tried to speak. "I saw Envy. He's in there." he mumbled, glancing to the closed door.

Hawkeye gave a confused look, and sat down next to Edward. "The homunculus? No, he's not in there." She turned to face Mustang who was still standing. "Is he on any new medicine? It might be a side effect."

Roy nodded, tilting his head to the side. "Yeah. Just started this morning." he sighed, "I'll call his psychiatrist. Lt, can you gather Ed's work? I we're gonna work from home today, alright?"

The blonde woman nodded, and smiled. She seemed so much more willing to let the lazy Colonel go home when Ed was distressed. She saluted, and walked out.

Roy gathered his paperwork, while Ed curled up on the couch. The humming was louder, and along with that, there was a voice. He couldn't make out who it was, or what it was saying, but it was saying something.

"Hey, come on. Lets go home." Roy said, extending a hand to the blonde. Ed took it, standing up. They made their way out of the office, not caring that Ed was leaning against the Colonel, and that they were holdnig hands. Ed was too busy looking around, hoping he wouldn't see Envy again.

When they got to the car, Ed looked over at Roy. "Can I ask you a question?"

Slightly surprised, Roy nodded. "Of course."

Ed looked down. "Why are you doing so much for me?"

Roy smiled. "Because I love you."

The blone tilted his head to the side as they pulled out of the parking spot. "But, that first day in the office when you saw my wrist."

"I loved you then, too. Seeing you hurt like that was like getting punched in the face. I hated seeing that. I wanted to make it better." Roy said, a faint blush gracing his cheeks.

Embarassed, Ed looked away. "Sorry." he mumbled, messing with his jacket sleeve. "I didn't want to put you through trouble..."

Smiling again, Roy interuppted. "Nonsense. In a way, I'm glad it happened. Even though I hate seeing you upset and harming yourself, I'm slightly glad that it happened because of where we are now. But I never want you to do that again. As long as I'm here, I want you to be able to talk to me, alright?"

Ed nodded, and leaned over to kiss his Colonel on the cheek. "Thanks... I love you."

"I love you, too." Roy said, and they pulled up into the driveway.


	15. Chapter 15

**Since I got a few questions, I'll try to explain the last chapter.**

**Edward took a medicine called Abilify that is supposed to stabalize thought processes. Instead, like what it did to me, Edward started having visual/auditory hallucinations. I'm basing these things after my experiences, so I understand why they didn't make sense. The humming was always an indicator that I would be hearing things, I always called it the 'crazy switch' because when it was on, I would see/hear things. **

**The feather was a warning sign, I would always see it when I was about to have a strong visul hallucination.**

**Envy is NOT alive. That was purley the medicine, deeping into fears and pulling out information. If you haven't read it, I have a Edvy one-shot that happens before this story, but still intertwines with it. Long story short, he and Envy used to be lovers... kinda. I won't go deeper into that in this series since its very much RoyEd.**

**Again, I was baseing this off of my own experiences, so if you ever had any of these occurences and it was different, I don't really want to hear it. Everybodies reactions and minds are different. **

**WARNING. THIS CHAPTER IS SUPER DUPER BORING. LIKE, BARLEY ANYTHING HAPPENS. I JUST FELT LIKE WRITING IT. FICK. I KNOW I WILL FINISH THIS STORY SOON BECAUSE IM BORED OF IT. I HAVE A NEW LONG-TERM ROYxED STORY IN MY MIND I THINK ILL LIKE THAT ONE MORE SO MEIN GOTT PLEASE DONT KILL ME IF I JUST HALF ARSE THE ENDING AHHHH**

**Thank you so much for the reviews and favorites and follows, I love y'all!**

Watching the Colonel and Edward walk from the office, Hawkeye sighed. She'd waited until the loud, heartbreaking sobs quieted before she went in, but it was painful to stand back. She could faintly hear Mustang comforting him softly, saying sweet things to calm him down.

He saw... Envy. The sadistic, gruesome Homunculous that killed Maes Hughes among many others. Deceased, yes, but still I project of nightmares. Its no wonder Edward ran to Roy's office.

Edward was leaning against the Colonel, his face stuffed in the side of his navy blue jacket, clutching his hand tightly. They silently walked out, holding their work to take home. There was no way Riza could deny them off-time after that.

Turning around, she was met with the sight of 4 _very _disheveled coworkers. They were all staring at the couple walking out, eyes wide with confusion. Whether it was about Edwards outburst, or them walking out together was hard to tell, but she had explaining to do.

In fear of compromising their relationship, Riza only sighed. "Back to work." she said, looking straight at them.

"What just-" Fuery squeaked, meekly pointing to the door.

Riza raised an eyebrow and put her hand on her gun holster, effectivley silencing the boys. "Yes sir!" They all said, scurrying back to their work.

An hour had passed, and Hawkeye was letting the others have a 20 minute break. She wouldn't usually, but they were so ansty it wasn't helping. While the Lt. stayed at her desk, the others had formed a circle on the couches.

"What do you think it was about, though? He looked like he'd seen a ghost." Fuery said, concern in his voice.

"I don't even know. But why did he go to the Colonel?" Breda said in a low tone.

"I don't know, probably because he looks up to him?" Falman suggested, shrugging.

"You kidding? Ed hates him. Insults him at every turn." Breda said, laughing.

"Maybe its platonic, you know? I mean, Mustang's done a lot for him over the years, maybe they have a mutual respect?" Fuery offered, pushing up his glasses.

Riza smiled inwardly, wanting to point out it was _not _platonic, considering the interesting limp Fullmetal had, and the red marks trailing the Colonel's neck. But she kept her mouth shut, knowing it was a secret for them not to know.

"I guess, maybe... But what if its not?" Falman asked, looking around.

Breda looked horrified. "Uh, no way, man! The Colonel's thirty-something, and Ed's only 19! That just wouldn't happen!"

"And they're not gay! Mustang's taken too many women from me for that to be plausible, anyways, isn't the boss with that chick from his hometown?" Havoc interjected, shaking his head.

"Winry? Ah, no. She and Alphonse are engaged. Ed told us when he came in." Fuery said, smiling. He poken Havoc in the arm, shaking his head. "Maybe if you were on _time_, you would know."

"Whatever. They're not gay. Neither of them." Havoc said, covering his ears.

"Alright, alright. Not gay. But seriously, what got Ed so freaked out? There's no way you guys didn't hear the crying. Fullmetal doesn't just cry. Never." Breda said, looking down.

"I know. Last time I saw him cry was... The Nina Tucker thing. But he was 12." Falman said, ignoring Havoc who still had his hands covering his ears.

TIred of hearing this, Riza walked over and informed them their break was over.

"Lt! You're close to the Colonel! What's going on?" Fuery said, excited.

Riza shook her head. "Ask them yourselves. I'm not allowed to tell. Now get back to work."

The day went on with minor distractions, lagging on while Hawkeye silently wondered if everything was actually okay.

After some food, and finishing the work they needed to do, Edward and Roy lay in bed, cuddled against each other.

Roy held the blonde to his chest, one arm under, him, curled up around his waist, and one arm laying limpy over him, his hand carding through silky hair.

The young alchemist was drifting to sleep, the hallucinations coming to a stop. He complained of hearing a voice, but couldn't make anything out until it stopped completley. He then dragged Roy to bed, claiming he needed to be close to him for a bit. With no complaints, they dressed in lazy house clothes, and curled up under the covers.

Suddently Ed twitched, and his eyes shot open. He looked at Roy, tired and confused.

"You...okay?" Roy asked, brushing hair out of his eyes.

He nodded, and looked up. "I don't even know what that was. I was almost asleep.." he mumbled, slightly leaning against the hand in his hair.

"Oh, okay. Gonna go back to sleep?" Roy asked, massaging his lover's scalp.

"Mhm. After this." Ed said, leaning up to press his lips against Roy's.

The kiss was long and lingering, lithargic from being tired, but still full of passion. Hands wandered, caressing and rubbing, hitting all the right spots.

They parted, gasping in short breaths. Roy trailed down his jawline, continuing down to suck on the creamy skin of Ed's neck, elicting a soft moan.

The breathy noise sent a chill down Roy's spine, heat of desire going downwards. He nipped at his collarbone, bringing another noise of pleasure as he slid one hand up the short blonde's tank top, feeling the sleep-warmed skin.

"Mmh... Roy..." he breathed, running flesh fingers through soft black hair. Roy could feel his arousal pressing against him, making his heart pound.

"Edward...nnh... I love you..." Roy said, nuzzling into the crook of his lovers neck, stroking his thigh. He pulled the blonde on top of him, kissing him firmly.

When they pulled away, Roy smiled, looking into his lovers eyes. A few short months ago, he would only dream of this, only seeing this beauty in fantasies, seeing the empty shell of silent suffering during the day. He felt his heart clench when he realised that he, _Colonel Roy Mustang, _had been a prime factor into this boy's recovery. The light in his eyes was at full, twinkling gold, so unlike the hollow darkness that was once there. He had been there, he helped him.

And it made him feel even better that he had not only helped the teen recover, but has gotten a high spot in his life, in his mind. He had little spot reserved in his heart, just for him. For his... boyfriend. The word was so amazing.

Edward smiled, and kissed his lover again. The heat and desire was rising, evident in the increased nipping, and sucking in the kiss. They wanted it, badly.

Moving downward, the blonde kissed, bit, and licked down Roy's chest. trailing down to his boxers. When he reached the hem, the blonde looked up, a mischevious smile playing on his lips. Roy's breath hitched at the look, so full of lust, and want.

He gasped when his boxers were pulled down, revealing his arousal. Edwards slender hand wrapped around it, tugging lightly, elicting a full out moan from the older man. His nerves were so sensitive, reacting to even the smallest touches.

The blonde leaned down, licking the head of his weeping member. Pleasure shot up through Roy, sparks going through his blood.

Suddenly the doorbell rang, and Edward looked up at Roy, annoyed. Sighing, he rolled off the bed, muttering something under his breath about hating doorbells and wanting keep out signs. He got pants on, but remained shirtless.

The Colonel did the same, but unlike his the stubborn chibi, put on a button up shirt. He sauntered to the front door, pulling it open.

Standing in front of him was a very disheveled Havoc, Breda, Fuery, and Falman. He raised an eyebrow, questioning the slight panic on their faces.

Sighing, Fuery started, "Good evening, sir. Eh, the Lt. sent us here because she got annoyed wtih us asking questions about what happened today and er... she made us come over here to ask you ourselves." He smiled, pushing up his thick glasses.

Roy let out an exasperated sigh, and stepped back. "I'll answer what I can. Want some coffee?"

They nodded, and stepped in. He turned around, going to the kitchen. They'd come over before, so it really wasn't a big deal. He was just miffed at what they'd interuppted.

Stepping into the kitchen, he noticed Ed sitting on the counter cross-legged, still shirtless, eating a piece of cold pizza. He smirked, and started making coffee. Ed just smiled, tilting his head to the side, innocently. His hair had come out of its braid, so it was laying in a sheet past his shoulders.

Roy noticed his subordinates standing in the doorway, and laughed. It must have been quite the sight.

Their individual expressions were what took the cake, though. Havoc was disbelieving, Breda was shocked, Fuery was blushing, and Falman was raising an eyebrow. Whoops. I guess they'll have to tell them, now, huh?

When Ed saw them, he laughed softly, and went back to his pizza. Sure, it was really a sight to behold, but Roy guessed the blonde couldn't care less.

The coffee was done, so Roy pulled the pot out, and brushed past his frozen subordinates. He held an amused smirk, slightly content in pretending everything was normal.

He set the pot on the table, and went back for cups. Ed was no longer on the counter, but instead on tip toe, getting cups from the cabinet.

They got to the table, and Edward, still shirtless, just sat down with his cup, and started reading a book that was lying on the table. "So, why are you here?' he asked, not looking up from the text. He raised his mug, gesturing to the 4 around him.

"Well, uh," Havoc started... obviously itching for a cigarette. "We were just... concerned...about...-"

"What happened today?" Breda interupped, sighing.

Raising an eyebrow, not looking from his book, Ed casually responded. "I was up all night, I don't know, made me feel sick. I ran into the Colonel's office to throw up. Nothing more."

Giving a disbelieving look, Breda looked at Roy, who was leaned against a wall, disgesting the cover story. "We heard a noise that sounded a lot like you crying... Then both you and the Colonel walked out." he said, looking straight at the blonde, who remained uninterested.

"We don't mean to pry, Ed, really." Fuery insisted, bringing his hands up in defense. "We're just worried. And... questioning why you're uh..."

"Here?" Ed mumbled, glancing up from his book for a second before returning his gaze to the text. "Its nothing, don't worry."

"Nothing?" Havoc asked, his voice slightly skeptical. "Boss, you and the Colonel were holding hands, and you're shirtless, in his house."

Ed just shrugged, poising to be useless in terms of information. He obviously doesn't want to let them know, and Roy saw that behind his book he had an amused smirk, probably at the frustration on the other's faces.

Fuery turned to the Colonel, his expression annoyed. Roy just shrugged, indifferent whether his subordinates were freaking out, it really was quite amusing.

Ed sighed and stood up, placing his book back on the table. "Eh, Roy? I'mma take a shower..." he mumbled, yawning and trotting off, leaving Havoc gaping.

"HA!" Havoc interjected, pointing at the Colonel. "He called you Roy!"

Roy smirked and raised an eyebrow, not moving from his position. Ed was standing in the hallway, giving a very lustful glance to his Colonel, implying exactly what Roy wanted to see.

"That does happen to be my name." he said cooly, amused.

"B-but... he called you Roy. Not Colonel Bastard or anything!" Breda said, his head quirked to the side.

Falman stood up, shaking his head. "With all due respect, sir, if there's something... going on... betweeen you too, we wouldn't say anything."

Roy nodded, noticing Ed had gone to the shower. Distracted, the only thought through his mind was '_Better hurry them out so I can join him..._' Ignoring Havoc's freak out. Probably babbling about him and Ed.

Falman sighed, starting to the door. "Eh, well I guess we'll see you at the office, sir. C'mon, dimwits. Riza's waiting."

The rest grumbled and said their farewells, making their way out. Closing the door behind them, Roy sighed. They might not be brilliant, but they're observant, and curious.

'_They'll have to know sometime... But for now, they'res a blonde in the shower, and some unfinisihed buisness. Lets worry about that first.'_


	16. Chapter 16

**After two months, I got off my ass and wrote a chapter!**

**This is sort of a filler, but this is almost over, so give me some slack plz**

**I was almost about to give up on this story but I randomaly got like a thousand veiws and some more activities so I decided to just keep going.**

**Thanks guys, I love you!**

"Ed… _huff_ I love _huff _you." Roy panted, bathing in the afterglow of an amazing, and amazingly long night that included handcuffs, ice cubes, and riding crops.

They lay together in bed, wrapped in each other's arms as the sun peeked out from the window. Ed's hair was strewn all over his neck, the sheet of gold hiding the marked neck and collar bones that lay beneath.

Roy smiled, recalling the overly amazing night.

After a couple minutes of smiling and chaste kisses, the blonde sighed and looked up at his boyfriend. "We have to get up now, don't we?" Roy nodded sadly. "I don't exactly think I can walk."

Roy laughed softly. "Neither can I. But we'll have to try."

After an hour of distractions, mostly from a certain blonde that somehow didn't get enough the night before, they made it to Headquarters.

Walking through, they noticed the team staring at them. Maybe it was from the encounter the night before, maybe it was the fact they were coming in together, but either way, they gave greeting laced with smirks and made their way to Roy's office.

Sitting at his desk, Roy noticed Ed walking over to the office library to continue the task he set for himself the day earlier, reorganizing. ('Roy, how in the world do you find anything? It's all crammed into random places. Ugh, fine. If I can't go on missions, I'm organizing your library.)

He then proceeded to sit _on top _of the 10-foot tall book case, and thumb through different novels and tomes, putting them in stacks organized by author, subject, and interest. Probably so he could read them all later.

Roy sighed, looking down at his work. "Oh Ed~o!" he purred, gaining a quirked smile and a raised eyebrow. "Come over here, love."

Ed got off the book shelf in a graceful jump, and walked over, giving a suspicious eye to his commanding officer. As soon as he was in grasps distance, Roy pulled the blonde into his lap, pressing lips to the younger's.

Ed moaned slightly, adjusting himself so his knees were on either side of Mustang's hips, and his fingers were tangled dark black hair.

Tongues came into play, and Roy swept his hands under Ed's black tank top, gaining a gasp and a purr from his little blonde.

Pulling away, they were both gasping. "Didn't get enough?" the blonde growled playfully, his cheeks stained red.

Roy smiled, flashing his teeth dangerously. "I'm sure I did. But I want more."

Ed sighed, pressing his forehead to his lovers. "You're insatiable."

They both laughed softly and brought their lips together again.

"Lt. Hawkeye. Pleeease tell us! Just a yes or no!" Fuery whined to the blonde woman shuffling papers in a filing cabinet. Riza shook her head, standing up.

"I already told you, Kain. It's none of my business. Oi! Jean!" she called, bringing the brunette out of his rants, "Take this in to the Colonel's office."

Jean sighed and took the stack of files, and made his way to the door.

He knocked a couple times, receiving no answer. Deciding to just drop it on his desk if he was asleep ('Why can't I do that?') he opened the door slowly, stepping in, freezing immediately.

It was bad enough that they were attached by the mouth moaning and laughing, but Ed was straddling Mustang's hips, black coat off his shoulders, both metal and flesh hands all over his commanding officers neck. Jean tensed and dropped the files as Roy's hands were going downward cupping

Ed'srearandpullingthemtogether_makingbothmengaspandthrowtheirheadba-_

**SLAM! **

The noise brought their lovers apart, gasping and panting with flushed faces. Ed spoke first. "The doors not locked, is it?"

Roy shook his head, urging Ed off his lap. The blonde crossed his arms. "You better hope it was someone from your command. I can't imagine how fast something like this would spread." He pulled on his coat, that had been pulled off his shoulders to give Roy access to the scarred skin by ridge of his automail. Turns out the taste of metal is quite a turn on.

After fixing his hair and jacket, Roy noticed his blonde laying on the couch directly next to his desk, using his black military jacket as a pillow and a blanket. It was way too big for Roy, let alone Ed. His eyes were half lidded, and it was obvious he was drifting off.

He sighed and stood up. Better check and see that it was actually someone in his command, and not an outside source. By the files dropped by the door, it could have been anyone.

He opened the door, looking around the main office. Everyone was either blushing or shocked, all eyes on him. Except Riza of course, who just looked amused. Havoc lay on the couch, apparently unconscious, while Fuery fanned him with some papers.

After a second, Riza spoke up, "All he got out was 'Mustang', 'Ed', and 'Holy shit', sir. With all respect, I thought I told you no sex in the office?"

Mustang immediately flushed, and wished he could sink into the floor. He crossed his arms and looked at Riza defiantly. "We were _not _having sex, thank you very much."

The Lt. sighed. "Well, whatever you were doing, they deserve their explanation. Is Ed ready?"

Roy nodded, thinking back to how amused Ed was the night before.

"Follow me into my office, bring Havoc in too."

After everyone was situated in the office, either standing, or sitting on any couch except the one Ed was on (he refused to get up), Roy started. "Well, I just want to start by saying that this is entirely confidential information, and it does not leave the office." They all nodded, he continued. "Well, about 2 months ago, Ed was suffering from depression. He was using self-harm as an outlet, and he cut too deep." He ignored the gasps coming from around the room from everyone, including Havoc who had woken up from a book to his head. "The doctor at the hospital told me that he wasn't stable enough to stay on his own, so he stayed with me. We uh, got closer… I guess."

Havoc interjected. "You guess? Chief, I say you are a little more than closer. As much as I want to know why Ed was hurting himself, give me this answer first. Are you dating or not?"

Roy chuckled softly, looking over to his now asleep lover. "Uh, yeah. We are. Have been for a while."

Mustang raised an eyebrow at Falman and Breda's triumphant cries. "We knew it!" Falman cheered, and Fuery and Havoc both gave them 40 bucks each.

Mustang smirked, knowing they would bet on it. "So, Fuery, Havoc, what were your bets?" he chimed, looking over to his depressed subordinates.

Kain spoke up first. "I thought it was just platonic."

Breda laughed and leaned over the couch sleeping Ed was occupying, and lifted his hair from his neck with a pen, revealing many love bites in different sizes and ages. "Sorry Kain, but this say no."

Fuery blushed and looked away, pushing up his glasses.

Havoc looked incredibly uncomfortable. "I didn't think you were gay."

Mustang laughed. "Well, sorry. I happen to be." He received a sharp glare from Havoc, no doubt upset about all the ladies he'd stolen.

Jean continued, looking even more confused. "But Chief, why Ed? I mean, we've all known him since he was kid. Personally, he's like a younger brother to me… sure he's legal now, but still…"

Roy shrugged slightly, trying to be nonchalant. The blush told otherwise. "I don't exactly know..." the blush deepened "I guess it just happened?"

The team all looked at each other, and shrugged. Then Breda spoke up. "I mean, that's great, really. We're glad you're actually staying with someone, but Ed's like a younger brother to all of us, so can you not…uh…"

"Be physical in the office?" Kain interjected.

Ed answered with giggles, showing he was awake.

The all nodded with serious expressions.

Then Havoc gave a knowing smirk, and leaned over Roy's desk, saying something that only the Colonel, and Ed could hear. "So, chief. How is he?"

Roy blushed and pushed backwards, sputtering random syllables. He shook his head and regained composer while Havoc laughed his ass off. "You just said he was like a younger brother! Why in the world would you want to know something like _that?!" _

Havoc just continued laughing. Edward propped himself on one elbow, smiling mischievously. "Well, I can't answer for myself, but I can tell you that Roy is _really _kinky."

Havoc stopped laughing, and stared between the two alchemists with wide eyes. The rest of the team was doing the same while Roy slunk deeper in his chair, trying to be out of sight while Ed snickered quietly into the military coat.

Havoc started laughing again at Roy's blush and turned to Ed. "Well Ed, define kinky."

Ed laughed out loud while Roy sat up again. "No! Let's not! Let's not define it! Keep quiet, chibi!"

The blonde shot a sharp glare at Roy put on that smile that practically spelled 'Revenge'. "Well, I mean, ice cubes, handcuffs, gags, jeez, the list goes on."

The rest of the team was trying to block out the words, eyes wide, slightly shocked. It was only then that they knew their innocent little Edo was dating, but going into his sexual escapades? They'd rather do all of Mustang's paperwork.

**"**Alright!" Hawkeye spoke up, shooting a glare at the couple. "This is wasting time. May we be dismissed, sir?"

Roy nodded, his face bright red. It was wasting time, time to be spent telling his little pipsqueak to keep his mouth _shut. _The team stepped out of his office, and Ed went back to his perch on the bookshelf with a snicker.

"Breda, can you take this to the Colonel?" Hawkeye asked, waving a file in the air while she was bent over a filing cabinet.

Breda shot back, shaking his head. "No way! I mean, no sir. I just... what if they're..?"

Riza stood up, deadpanning the team, whom was agreeing with each other on the activities that were definitley going on behind the door to the silent office.

"You guys are such losers." she sighed, walking to office door, file in hand. If they were doing anything, which she sincerly doubed, she could handle it.

She opened the door, noticing that Havoc was peering in from his desk.

Mustang sat at his desk, a slightly annoyed expression on his concentrated face. He must've not heard the blonde Lt. enter. He was doing his paperwork, and he was almost done.

He then put his pen down and yawned, leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed.

_THWACK_

Hawkeye's eyes trailed upward, where the paper ball that hit her superiors head orginated.

Ed was sitting cross legged on the top of a bookshelf, make shift sling-shot in hand. "Get back to work, Roy!" he called, smiling happily.

Mustang growled at his blonde, and picked up his pen again.

Riza sighed, and walked back out the door without giving them the file.

_'Yeah, they're good.'_

**Defiiiiine kiiinkeeyyyyyyyy... i dont remember how tired i was when i wrote that bit but i like it. c:**


	17. HIATUS AUTHOR NOTE

GOOD DAY, ALL READERS!

I know you're probably thinking this is an update, but I regret to inform you it is not.

**BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN STOP READING GET BACK OVER HERE AND LISTEN**

I've been grounded for the past month, and when I came back, I had gotten a lot of beautiful feedback and tons of love, but I read back over all my fics and I realized that they need a _loooot _of improvment. Like, everytime I read them I cringe. They're horrible.

I'm going to be going on a sort of hiatus, I will not be updating any new chapters, but I will work, 1 story at a time (I made the mistake of starting 5 fics within 3 months goddamnit) and I will revise and edit my work.

Please understand that I do indeed love all of you, and that this is not because I do not like your feedback and suggestions, its just because I can't stand my own writing anymore.

Here is the order in which I will revise my fics, so any followers will know how long they're waiting.

1- Painful Smiles (RoyxEd)

2- No Consequences (RoyxEd)

3-Every Other (RoyxEd)

4- The Blade (EdxEnvy)

5- Ashes Ashes (HeixEd/RoyxEd)

I also have a lot going on in my life, so please please please be paitent while I get myself together and revise my work. I will start editing immediately, but I can't promise it will be a short time.

THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!

-Eselin


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